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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/andreame
Review Requests: OFF
8 Public Reviews Given
9 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I've read a lot, so I have generally have an idea of what's good and what's not. I'll comment on the storyline, the plot, how it made me feel and any additional comments that I feel necessary. I haven't done this a lot so don't expect any professional stuff.
Favorite Genres
Fiction, romance
Least Favorite Genres
Horror, informative stuff (not sure what to call this)
I will not review...
Poems, and whatever my least favourite genres are
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by AME Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi! This genre is quite new to me, since I haven't read much of this animal stories type since I was a kid *Laugh*

To be honest, your story got me confused in the beginning. It took me quite some time to understand the characters in your story, even though it IS quite evident which name belongs to which animal. But I personally prefer more clarity with the characters so that it would be easier for me to make sense of the story, instead of trying to puzzle over who is what and why are they doing what they are doing.

The beginning of the story is quite alright, overlooking the points that I made above. The ending scene was quite confusing. The flow of happenings felt a bit sudden and lacked a flow. For example, "Daisy removed her covers, exposing her body to the mystery shadow." When the rabbit and the bird entered the room, nothing was mentioned about what they saw or thought of Daisy when they first entered, whether they were anxious when they didn't see her, and suddenly Daisy emerges from under the covers with no warning. I hope you get what I'm trying to say here *Laugh*

Overall, it was quite a good piece. The language was quite good, and it certainly rouses curiosity on what happens next. Keep up the good work!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
2
2
Review of Becky  Open in new Window.
Review by AME Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a really beautiful piece *Smile* I'm actually really touched. A nice job there! Just a few mistakes here and there...

In the first line, 'her hair had not one fly away', I'm not sure what you're trying to say there, but I think maybe you should make some changes to this phrase? And in the second line, you wrote 'a mirror'. It's supposed to be 'the mirror' since you'd already mentioned the mirror before.

There's a spelling error in the second line of the third paragraph, 'througout' is supposed to be 'throughout'.

And in the last line, 'she thanks God in advanced', 'advanced' should be 'advance'.

I guess that's it! You did a really good job with this piece! I quite liked it *Smile* Keep up the good work! I hope my review and comments have helped you.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
3
3
Review by AME Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Once upon a time there was a girl. She was a pretty thing, no doubt. Walking into classrooms and diners, heads turned, boys in awe and girls in envy. Yet there was just one guy whose attention she just could not attract no matter how much she tried.

Everyday,she would walk into the classes she had with him and the first thing her pretty grey eyes would seek out is him. The well built outline of his athletic body, the mess of chestnut brown hair that looked so cute, his matching brown eyes that would make her heart melt into steaming puddles, and that perfect, beautiful smile that made her stomach flutter. She thought she was in love.

One day, walking towards her locker, she saw that he was walking hand-in-hand with another girl. Her heart stopped and her mouth felt as if she had tried to swallow cotton wool. Her legs were rooted to the ground as she watched the happy couple talk and laugh and look at each other with cheesy grins on their faces.

Because of that, she changed. No longer was she a smiling, pretty girl that you pass in the hallway. No longer was she the bright, bubbly girl that was enthusiastic about everything. No longer was she the person you could go to if you needed someone to cheer you up. She became brooding and silent. No more laughing at jokes. Passing her in the hallway, you would think she had half of the world's burdens on her shoulder.

Until finally, she disappeared. Some theories said that she moved away. Some said she couldn't handle everything and she ended her life. But I hope that, wherever she is, she has a better life.
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