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3 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Boys Will Be Boys  Open in new Window.
Review by Andrew Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, Jezri, and congrats on winning the joust!

Since you gave me a review (you were way too easy on me, BTW) I thought that I'd return the favor.

I really enjoyed your story; a good plot and plenty of suspense. But why did you give away the ending before the end? I think that if we didn't know that Bobby had the gun until the last minute, when he pulled the trigger, the ending would have had a much bigger impact.

Another thing is that the realism of the story is ruined a bit when you have Bobby's father coming down the chimney as Santa; it's just impossible for a person to slide down a residential fireplace chimney (unless it was built before the seventeenth century!). But probably nobody noticed except for a nitpicker like me.

I'm looking forward to reading more of your stuff!

Andrew S
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Review by Andrew Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hi, Stephan,

Overall, I enjoyed the story. You have a good premise with a lot of potential. But the story seems way too complicated for a short story; it's more like a synopsis for a novel. All those characters with their complicated and unfamiliar Norwegian names are difficult to keep track of and only slow down the story. I think that the story would be much more effective if you limited the characters and simplified the action to revolve around Alek, Tyra, and Tollak.

Keep on writing!

Andrew S

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