group. First and foremost I want to thank you for entering this challenge.
This was simply beautiful! You did an excellent! I am so sorry about the loss of your mother but I am sure she was very proud of you and your accomplishments.
Keep up the good work and good luck in the challenge.
group. First and foremost I want to thank you for entering this challenge.
What a beautiful poem! The only thing that I can suggest is to shorten the title. I guess this sounds a little petty but I believe the title would be more effective if shortened. I did not find any major errors in punctuation, spelling or grammar.
Keep up the good work and good luck in the challenge.
group. First and foremost I want to thank you for entering this challenge.
This was a nice story. I loved the twist at the end! However, there are some things that you can do to make this an even better story. I'll start at the beginning and work myself down.
First, I would suggest that you add spaces between different paragraphs and diaglogue. It just makes it easier to read.
Second, I did notice some spelling errors in this piece. In the first paragraph, the word "steped" is misspelled. It should be "stepped". Also the word "unconcious" is misspelled. It should be "unconscious". The word "new" should be "knew".
Also in the first paragraph I would replace the word "got" with "turned".
The word "Police Officer" should not be capitalized.
The word "Teds" should be "Ted's".
After the above corrections are made I believe that you will get better reviews for this story. It had a good plot.
Keep up the good work and good luck in the challenge.
group. First and foremost I want to thank you for entering this challenge.
My brothers having been telling me for two or three years that I am middled aged. I refuse to believe that. I don't feel middle aged at all. I can emphasize with you on the driving at night thing. I hate driving at night.
I really enjoyed reading this piece. Keep up the good work and good luck in the contest.
group. First and foremost I want to thank you for entering this challenge.
What a lovely poem! Is this any particular form of poetry that you are using? Just curious. I am into trying out new forms of poetry and this looks like a form that I have used before.
Excellent job! Keep up the good work and good luck in the contest.
Very interesting article you have here. The reason why it caught my eye is because my rheumatologist told me that it fibro causing my body to ache. He didn't really tell me much about it or anything. I guess because there is nothing you can do to treat it. What angers me about this doctor is that he won't talk about it. He is more interested in talking about my weight issues, which I know don't help the situation. It is almost as if they think we are making this stuff up.
Anyway, this was a well written article. Keep up the good work.
group. First and foremost I want to thank you for entering this challenge.
This is a terrific poem you have here! I really liked the way you used different colors throughout the piece. As far as I can tell there is nothing wrong with this piece.
Keep up the good work and good luck in the contest.
group. I want to first thank you for entering in this round of the challenge.
You did a nice job with this poem. There are things you can do to it to make it even better. The rthyming seems a little forced to me. In the third stanza and second line, you end the line with the word "her". This really does not make any sense. I would also add some punctuation in needed spots.
Keep up the good work and good luck in the contest.
group. First I want to thank you for entering in this weeks challenge.
What a beautiful piece! In the sentence where you are describing the drops of rain, I would put a comma between "This drop, that drop, etc. I also wouldn't capitalize that.
These two sentences need to be restructured:
My newborn son’s pulse against my lips as I kiss their hair, grasping my finger, rubbing noses, first steps, Christmas unwrapping for hours turn by turn, Winnie the Pooh and Smurfs and McDonalds PlayArea trips give way to hey daddy I’m home from school, lets roll cars and crash on the parquet floor. Sick days, girlfriends, birthday parties, graduations, college blur together in collage moving swifter faster streaming moving moving.
Keep up the good work and good luck in the contest.
I have been sitting here studying the poem because something seems to not be quite right. The first stanza almosts sounds better as your last stanza. I think it seems a little off because the first and last stanzas have five lines instead of four. I would work on this one a bit.
Hi, this is Angel2blue from Angel2blue's Heavenly Reviews. I apologize for the delay in reviewing but I have been quite busy lately.
First of all I want to welcome you to writing.com. I guarantee you you will find tons of things to do here and find lots of new friends.
I really enjoyed reading this poem. It seemed to flow very nicely until you get to the third stanza. At this point I think that you could add more to it. It just seems to end abrutley. Otherwords, you need to have more stanzas between the third and last stanza. That is just my humble opinion.
Everything else looks great. Punctuation is good and spelling is good. I do have a suggestion. On the second and fourth lines of each stanza you didn't capitalize the beginning word. In my opinion, the first word of every line should be capitalized.
I enjoyed reading this poem and I look forward to reading more from you.
group. Thank you for submitting your piece for this weeks challenge.
You did an incredible job with this personal essay! Although it is a short piece, it was wonderfully done. I loved the imagery that you portrayed in this piece.
Keep up the good work and good luck in the contest.
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