This story was interesting and kept me going until the part where it says : "Since an empty body lay there, lost souls fought to get in; eventually one got in; the one that killed the little girl"...
So are we, the readers, to assume as soon as the ghost snapped Holly's neck, she died and a new demon took her body...the same one that killed the original girl in the attic? But why? What was all that information about "she shall have her child?"
And also, if the original ghost got in, where was he the whole time? Wouldn't he have possessed the original victim right away?
I guess this story would read better if it was a little more clear. There are some fragment sentences as well, but other than that, I thought it was a vey creepy and interesting short story.
Regards
Angeline
Hello. I came across your story and enjoyed it. I could vividly picture the food and manner in which the characters acted by your descriptions. I was also impressed with the dialogue, as it flowed in and out nicely. I wanted to hear some of their dinner conversation, and what stories the dad had to tell. I guess I wanted it to keep on going. It was a snapshot type of story, and I get that, but very quickly you've made me interested in this family, and so more writing would have been preferred.
Good job!
~Angeline
Interesting. I liked the story; it held my attention. I think you could have developed the main character a more and maybe built up their personality and surroundings more. There wasn't enough suspense/build up to the moment she realizes she has been taken over. I did like it though and it has potential. Good work.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/angie922
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 5:08pm on Dec 26, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
