\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/annamaetezuka
Review Requests: OFF
44 Public Reviews Given
44 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of The Boy  Open in new Window.
Review by Annamae Tessaro Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
It was pretty cool how you had this going at a somewhat marching pace, especially since it really has the feel of a soldier marching off to a doomed war. There were a few spelling/grammatical mistakes -- "Satin" for "Satan" in the second stanza, "to" for "too" in the second line of the first, and the apostrophe in "eye's" isn't necessary in the second line of the third. Speaking of that same line, maybe this line would have some more power if you added a question mark at the end?

I really liked the concept and the rhythm, though, good work! :)

*Star*Happy Holidays from myself and *Heart*"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.*Heart**Star*
2
2
Review of November Rain  Open in new Window.
Review by Annamae Tessaro Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This isn't bad for a first attempt, not at all. I can definitely get the emotion from it -- you're good at getting that!

It's funny how you rhymed "life" and "strife" -- I remember doing that a LOT when I first started really writing poetry. Your style really does remind me of my own early one. Trying to get dark words out in a lyrical way, when it seems that doing both simultaneously is impossible...indeed, even after a few years of working at it I'm not so good at it.

The imagery is powerful, but some of it gets a little confusing, like you're giving glimpses of things but juuuust missing that webbed string that's connecting them. That said, the "Inside my soul can't take the strain/So sodden by November Rain" and the opening lines, "Deep inside my dark heart cries/Nothing left inside but lies" are really awesome rhymes. I could really feel the rhythm from them! I could from the last two lines as well, but at the same time, the use of periods/extended ellipses kind of threw me off a bit. Though, considering the question mark at the end, it does work.

You're pretty good at this :)

*Star**XMasTree*Happy Holidays from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.*Star**XMasTree*
3
3
Review of The Encounter  Open in new Window.
Review by Annamae Tessaro Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This was an interesting story. I loved t he descriptions you used, although some of the sentences felt like they needed to be broken up -- either into multiple sentences, somehow, or by a comma or semicolon. The romance was an interesting one, definitely one that rides many borders, being illicit by societal standards and, depending on what point in the encounters, coming across as developing a love for one who has taken advantage of you. It played nicely along that line, keeping it interesting and intense. Great story!

*Star**XMasTree*Happy Holidays from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.*Star**XMasTree*
4
4
Review of The Sound  Open in new Window.
Review by Annamae Tessaro Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This was something like a comedic horror story. The narrator's search for the source of the sound and his constant mishaps in trying to find its source were hilarious, though they also brought about some sympathy to what seemed like someone who was experiencing Murphy's Law in an extreme way. At the same time, I kept on waiting for the sound to be something ominous, just waiting for all hell to break loose in a more malicious way than it did. It was something of a relief to see it did not take that turn. Instead, it was more of a "I will never, ever say I had a bad day again, ever" sort of story, the kind that cheers you up when you're going through something because it's an exaggeration that makes you go, in most cases, "Well, it could be worse..."

Also the fact that he used "I have a gambling problem" as a "better" explanation for his problems was pretty amusing.

Great story :)

*Star**XMasTree*Happy Holidays from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.*Star**XMasTree*
5
5
Review of The Chamber  Open in new Window.
Review by Annamae Tessaro Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
This poem was really emotional - it really had a gothic feel to it. I liked it, though some of the lines seemed a bit forced and didn't flow for me. Then again, I admittedly have a sense of rhythm that is apparently quite different from what people consider standard, so it could just be me.

I liked the line "A cry out loud..."PLEASE HEAR MY SCREAM!!!" a lot. I feel, though, that while having the next line makes sense chronologically, it takes a little away from the power -- perhaps it would be more powerful if it were at the end of the rhyme instead of the beginning? Also, the capitalization effect is further muted by capitalizing "HOPE."

The lines: "A doorway out to make escape/Will I ever shrug this cape" came across as slightly confusing to me, to be honest. It took a reread to realize you were connecting it to the shroud of darkness.

For all my nitpicking, though, this was a very good poem, especially if is only your second! The wordings are a little awkward to force the rhymes, and I can sympathize with that - I've been writing poetry for years, but my earliest work feels a LOT like this, both in mood and in the sometimes staccato rhythms.

Awesome job, write on!

Also,
*Star**XMasTree*Happy Holidays from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.*Star**XMasTree*
6
6
Review by Annamae Tessaro Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
The bitterness of prejudice from a victim's perspective...this hits hard. The irony of someone who has descended from thoughts of harmony and healing being desecrated, belittled by those who profess themselves to be of that very same harmony...it's sad to know that this could have been the story of many a person, doing only what they thought would help and being punished for it to extents that were really, really not necessary...it's powerful to read.

*Sun**ButterflyO* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. Member to Member Raid Review!*ButterflyO**Sun*
7
7
Review by Annamae Tessaro Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Wow, talk about a serious Christmas gift -- while the family's fidgeting over Christmas dinner and trees and parties, sweating the small things, they survive the coming of aliens...on top of their house. There is definitely an emphasis on the luck of still being alive at the end, here, that everything was interrupted, it's all falling apart, but life is still there.

Small grammatical error to point out, the line "Come eat or we'll be late..." is missing an opening quotation.

I liked this piece. :)

*Sun**ButterflyO* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. Member to Member Raid Review!*ButterflyO**Sun*
8
8
Review of Star-born Sentry  Open in new Window.
Review by Annamae Tessaro Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was gorgeous. Sonnets have an innate nature to the that draws me in (probably the iambic pentameter rhythm and classic rhyme scheme) and this one was wonderful. I loved the personification of Draco; it was absolutely beautiful, "wings of ancient crystal" likely being my favorite example. The alliteration used, too, helped the poem move along in a good way. The last two lines of this sonnet were an awesome finish -- the description of the jealous sun was a good personification, especially since the rest of the poem had been so reverent towards Draco. Very well done.

*Sun**ButterflyO* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. Member to Member Raid Review!*ButterflyO**Sun*
9
9
Review of The Dragons Creed  Open in new Window.
Review by Annamae Tessaro Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I loved this. The style gave a fantastical feel, with a nice rhyme scheme. The idea that the powerful image of a dragon is not a given, contrasting with this view of a dreaming fledgling, excited to reach the image that is so well-known, gave a fresh feel to this poem. And, it gives a nice moral, too, that great things come in due time.

*Sun**ButterflyO* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. Member to Member Raid Review!*ButterflyO**Sun*
10
10
Review of Keep Your Head Up  Open in new Window.
Review by Annamae Tessaro Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem was beautiful. It portrays a comforting, engaging, wondrous sight, imagery which is lost on an intended observer. The idea to keep one's head up, not hanging down and mourning everything so that you miss the good things that are going on, is a really inspiring message. It really makes one put things in perspective and rethink how they go about doing things.

*Sun**ButterflyO* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. Member to Member Raid Review!*ButterflyO**Sun*
11
11
Review of The Dreamer  Open in new Window.
Review by Annamae Tessaro Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really identified with Jack, to be honest. The one actually paying attention, the one actually thinking instead of being apathetic like most of the rest of the pack, I always admire that kid (or those kids), especially because I think I was something like that as a kid. I loved the imagery and the philosophy that was explored. It was a really thought-provoking piece. Nice job.

*Sun**ButterflyO* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. Member to Member Raid Review!*ButterflyO**Sun*
12
12
Review of Haunted  Open in new Window.
Review by Annamae Tessaro Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow, this was hauntingly beautiful...

I love the way the poem refers to the narrator being "haunted," and at the beginning, they are described much like a ghost, making the reader wonder if the haunter is the one haunting, and is haunted by this fact, somehow. As the poem progresses with beautiful imagery, the shade comes back to life with red, the blood-red sign of life, showing that, perhaps, they wish to be a ghost, to be with the image of the one that haunts them so.

I totally wrote "hauntingly beautiful" without thinking about the title. Just realized that. This was great!

*Sun**ButterflyO* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. Member to Member Raid Review!*ButterflyO**Sun*
13
13
Review of Pain Again  Open in new Window.
Review by Annamae Tessaro Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love, love, LOVE the determination and power in this poem. The idea that you're using reading and writing (and herein lies reviewing, as I am here :) ) to combat the pain -- be it physical or mental, or both -- is an admirable thing to write about. I love how you describe the intensity of the pains, and then sort of reject them, sounding determined and confident that you can beat them. Additionally, I love the way it rhymed. It worked out really nicely. :)

The only thing is, the line "With my internal med pump, I'll give you lumps" kind of confused me. I didn't quite get the reference or the meaning of that line; it threw me off, and didn't seem to mesh with the rest of the poem as well as a result, I think.

Overall, though, excellent piece.

*Sun**ButterflyO* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. Member to Member Raid Review!*ButterflyO**Sun*
14
14
Review by Annamae Tessaro Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Wow, this was pretty creepy. She did see her daughter again, in a convoluted way...at least the antagonist kept his word, despite what I thought would happen (I thought she'd just get buried alive). This one leaves a lot of questions unasked -- it makes you want to see more from the story, to find out if there is a significance to the clock other than being an obvious difference, if it is a symbol of the antagonist, what happened to her daughter...it definitely makes one want to see more. There were some grammar issues (missed periods, missing capitalizations, etc.) and the terse rhythm kept a pace that is appropriate for a horror story, but at the same time parts seemed rushed. The ending was great, though it confused me a bit -- how was she able to see her daughter in the next grave over? Was there a window or a small crack connecting her impending grave and that of the one next to her? Were the coffins side by side? That great reveal was jarred a little bit by my confusion. (Then again, I don't really study coffins, so maybe I'm missing something obvious.)

*Sun**ButterflyO* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. Member to Member Raid Review!*ButterflyO**Sun*
15
15
Review of Ode to…  Open in new Window.
Review by Annamae Tessaro Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
The bitterness in this poem towards writer's block...oh, how I know that pain. This conveys that all-too familiar issue quite well. Reading it really makes me get the feeling of "place head on wall. Bang here." that one can get when you have a great idea or something you want to/have to write and you sit down and...two hours later your cursor is still blinking at character zero. It is a plague, a pestilence, and this poem shows a struggle through it -- it feels like, at the end, you are breaking through the wall, or have at least made some progress out of the creative abyss.

*Sun**ButterflyO* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. Member to Member Raid Review!*ButterflyO**Sun*
16
16
Review by Annamae Tessaro Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
This poem has something of a surreal feel to it. I've read it over a few times and still can't get myself to draw a solid conclusion about it. What I've gotten is that it's a chaotic poem representing the chaos of the world, how people are often lost and confused, immoral and ignorant. (Of course, now that I say that, it all makes perfect sense, haha.) I really liked this, it was vague and confusing at first but really drew you in and made you want to think about it, to try and figure it out. There's something to be said for a poem that draws you to take a second or third look, and to sit there and ponder the author's words.
17
17
Review of Ocean Music  Open in new Window.
Review by Annamae Tessaro Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
The imagery in this poem was great. It really showcased a common beach find, the conch shells (and those similar to it) and their 'mini sea sound' quality. There was a sense to nostalgia to this I really liked.

The rhyme scheme you used was very interesting. I like that it was continued throughout, though the fact that some rhymes were carried over into other stanzas (i.e. the end of the first stanza, "wind reaching to a harbor pier," is followed by the line of the second stanza, "the shell may hold a secret dear") did seem to throw off the rhythm of the poem a little bit. Also, some of the lines seemed to cram words in, again skewing the rhythm (ex: "an abandoned battered shell washed upon the shore"), though this may just be an effect of how my mind works when I read poetry.
18
18
Review of Dew of Dreams  Open in new Window.
Review by Annamae Tessaro Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow, this was...this was beautiful.
18 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/annamaetezuka