What an emotional rollercoaster! Think Nicholas Sparks. Your character development was on point. In just a few paragraphs I felt that I really knew who Katie was and here personality as I did Shawn. I loved the line, " At that moment all of the stars in the sky couldn't compare with that little ring." Isn't that like women, not knowing what they want until they are given it or it's taking away for that matter.
The last paragraph had me crying. I understood the title and appreciated it. You could make this into a novel if you wanted. All the fans of Sparks, Green, etc. would eat it up.
I chose to read your work because of your title. Not the word "Psycho", but the question mark is what appealed to me. Excellent choice when thousands of titles litter a screen (or book store.) It brings into question who really is mentally disturbed and who gets to decide?
What hit me the most was how you made your characters alive and interesting right down to the man who was missing his daughter's first words. At the end of your story I wanted to know the back story to every character you mentioned. It is hard to have your reader make a emotional connection to character(s) you just introduced. For me, whether I find a character unique, mysterious, or relatable is what makes me want to read on. Your characters captured me immediately.
The first paragraph was brilliant. I felt myself drop to the ground with Dalia. I wanted to scream with her to help her block out the voices. I loved the line "The voices weren´t familiar to her, though she felt like they knew her." It adds to the tension of the piece and emotion of Dalia as if these personal demons knew her better than she knew herself, henceforth had the upper hand to destroy her from the inside out.
I enjoyed how you used Scott, his excitement and positive outlook, as a stark contrast to Dalia and her mother. The only thing, however, is if Dalia was sitting on the floor reading her book the entire time and never looked up, how did Scott know the color of her eyes? I would make sense that he would have a file with a picture I suppose.
In the end, the last paragraph filled me with sadness and frustration that the mother had no idea that Dalia did in fact remember her as the first paragraph stated. I think that would have made all the difference.
Overall, it was a very moving piece. I felt your descriptions were spot on - pointed not long-winded (like me, apparently. I would definitely read a novel or short story by you again.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/annevarez
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 5:39am on Nov 18, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
