Some interesting concepts within this poem. I love poetry that makes a reader think and also leaves the words open to a variety of interpretations.
From experience I have found that not many people who write are egotistical. I don't think that I have an ego. I believe that those, including me, that wish to improve and develop into good writers/authors/poets are our own worst critics.
When I look at those who might come into the category that you infer with the words:
'Of those who do not take the time
To reflect, then think, then create a rhyme'.
It may not be that they are lazy or talentless it could simply be that they are so busy doing good things instead of just sitting at a computer and writing about thoughts etc. Not that I am knocking sitting at the computer writing, I do a lot of that myself. However, it is possible to do both actions such as writing poetry and/or prose to highlight subjects that give people food for thought and it is also possible to put those thoughts to good use within communities at meetings or through the media etc.
I do also believe that although many do not give time and thought to issues that concern others, some have different skills and gifts that are not writing related. Thankfully it takes all sorts to make this world go round.
In your first stanza it would be a good idea to keep to the same pattern of rhyming as the following verses. I believe that it would add strength to the whole. This is just my views.
Best wishes, It is great to read a new, to me, poeet's work.
I enjoy reading about someone else's life, their likes and dislikes, what makes them tick.
It is interesting to find out why people write. The compulsion to put pen to paper I can relate to well. Also the lying in the dark with subjects, and in my case rhymes, running through my energetic but sleepless mind. I believe that a writer has to feel secure before they can write an article like this as with every word the author is revealing more of themself. It is like a multiple unveiling of a personality. This is fascinating for a people watcher like me.
This piece is very well written and draws the reader in to glimpse several 'snapshots' that expose the life-facts of the writer. A very enjoyable read.
If I do in fact take retirement I intend to read more of your work.
Fantastic news. Thank you very much for such a wonderful present. Thank you for all your hard work that makes writing.com such an enjoyableplace to be.
This is absolutely beautiful. Your words made me feel I was floating, as if in a dream, that like a magic carpet hovered briefly at each scene.
I could hear the music of nature and feel its gentleness which is such a contrast to the terrifying strength and devastation of hurricanes and earthquakes.
My favourite part is:-
"I would lie, with my face in my hands, on the cloak of soft green,
and live in my world of dreams till eternity,
worshipping the hills, the trees, the white streams,
The beauty of thought remaining with me indefinitely."
This is a wonderful system that has enabled me to not only read and review articles, poems and stories that I would never have read but has also been the vehicle by which I have 'met' some wonderful and talented people. I have made friends and then on a point of much lesser importance my existence has become known to those that I have reviewed.
Lets be honest, we all like to be read and have feedback, especially if the feedback is helpful.
It is wonderful to know that this is a three-way benefit.
The first is that the reviewer often has enjoyed what they have read, helped somebody and as a personal benefit feels good about giving something of themselves to another.
The second is that the chances are that the reviewer will gain experience in reviewing and also develop as a writer themselves. You can not write if you don't read!
The third is this wonderful system itself where you are rewarded by a few GPs just for doing what you enjoy.
My philosophy from this moment on is to review everything I read on this site.
READ RATE REVIEW
DON'T IGNORE WHATEVER YOU DO
AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT
TO THE PUBLIC YOU'LL SHOW IT
YOU'LL BE WORTHY OF WRITING.COM TOO!
I feel the hurt and despair and yet an almost acceptance of what is the lot of this boy, his mmother and his unborn sibling.
I on the other hand feel such rage and I am not a violent person, but consider myself to be gentle and caring person(I hope).
I fostered emotionally impaired children, abandoned and rejected by those that had given birth to them.
Many years later I see the ongoing results of their abuse. The years of my and my family's love and caring has not resulted in well adjusted and emotionally stable and secure people. Those boys and girls have been affected in one way or another for life. Their emotional scars run soul-deep.
I applaud this author for writing about something so desperately sad and for raising the awareness of each reader to the existence of the daily/nightly terrors and fears that such children live with continually. Somehow though they also should be aware that like an iceberg two thirds of the harm done to children such as the boy in this poem is below the surface and in the future.
It was interesting to read an account from the 'other side's' point of view. My mother was a Plymothian, that is she was born in Plymouth, Devon. I grew up on stories of Sir Francis Drake and the Spanish Armada. I visited Drake's drum in Buckfast Abbey on Dartmoor in Devon.
This is well written, very believable and as far as I, with my limited historical knowledge, can tell it is factually accurate.
I think that you have written everything that I think about the little part of writing.com that is known to me after three months membership. I can not believe that the Writer's digest does not recognise what a tremendous site this is for writers of all capabilities.
If it had not been the kind of helpful, supportive, and encouraging environment that exists here then I might not have had the courage and confidence to post my poems publicly for the first time. And I certainly would not have progressed and developed and learned so much.
I am a hard-bitten orthopaedic and trauma trained nursing sister and have nursed many people with cancer of all varieties. As I type this I am peering through some degree of watery mist.
This is brilliantltly written and builds very realistically to the climax. It is a very moving account, that I was relieved to see is fiction. It is a deceptively simple story that at the same time is utterly compelling. It starts with simple facts and rolls along at a gentle pace then gathers speed and jumps off the page and grabs you by the throat. A story that involves tragedy and outstanding courage and bravery and of course all helped along with a strong dosing of love throughout.
Well done! Now I must go and clean these misty glasses.
I love this, the simplicity is so honest and brings home to the reader the sense of loss, of the ending of a love.
The repetition of the word still throughout the writing is perfect. The poignancy and bitter after-taste of a now redundant love. The reader feels your pain, your sense of futility, of almost bewilderment.
This is an excellent write.
Hi, I thought I'd drop in and see what you had written as you were so kind to read mine.
The idea of death being a wave is a relaxed way to view what will inevitably come to all of us.
I liked particularly the thought of it lapping gently at my feet.
The last line would be so much better if it didn't just repeat the line three from the end. My personal view is that the last line is an opportunity to make a strong statement that emphasises the whole.
eg. Just out of sight. or Just beyond life's horizon.
Well done I enjoyed your poem.
Probably better than I have rated it but I do not think that I fully understand it.
Where you have written mystery I would interpret that almost as misery and I know that is not what you intend.
As I say I dont get the poem's full meaning.
Well done for a brave writing and always go with the courage of your convictions.
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