Welcome to Writing.com. I found your item on the Newbie’s listing page and I thought I’d take a look.
Writing about the pains of love is often one of the most difficult topics because almost every poet has written a piece on it. In this piece you’ve expressed yourself well, and I was pleased to come across it.
By the way, it looks like you’ve posted this same item twice. You may want to delete one of them.
Have a wonderful day,
Anood
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I’ve read through the last 15 or so entries in your journal and I think it’s rather interesting, insightful and very honest. I don’t think people could ask for much more from a personal journal.
You reviewed my journal a while back, and I apologize for taking so long to get to yours. I intended to do it much sooner, but life tends to get in the way sometimes.
LOL! This was cute, and reads wit great rhyme. Though, there is an almost dark sense of humor to this in the way that it reads, and I feel that you’ve almost added too much emotional ties to the food for it to be taken purely comedic. It’s almost like a satirical piece. Another good read, though.
Have yourself a wonderful day!
Anood
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This is simply brilliant. You’ve used fantastic description, while showing amazing emotions for someone you love, and seem to be losing; or at least a part of them is leaving. My favorite so far today!
Have yourself a wonderful day!
Anood
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This is a wonderfully personal piece that sends riveting emotions through me, as again I can relate. It reads with fantastic rhythm and I love the inside rhyme you’ve used here. Well done!
Have yourself a wonderful day!
Anood
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This is a piece that I can sincerely relate to at this time. I think you’ve done a good job with description, but I feel that this may have been a little too wordy. There are some areas where the rhythm fails, and I found it difficult to find the flow.
These are just my thoughts on it though. Sometimes, with personal, emotional poetry it’s more about release than anything else.
Have yourself a wonderful day!
Anood
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I think this is a very insightful piece that helps your reader look at our actions on a more positive social level. I reads well, has a great meter, and rhyme. This was a pleasure to read.
Have yourself a wonderful day!
Anood
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A mommy’s love is the strongest love of all. I think this is a wonderfully inspirational, educational journal, and as soon as I saw this link, I placed it on my favorites list. As it’s new now, I look forward to watching it grow.
It's very cute when we are reading a book together and we come to a page with a robin or a duck --and Jonah pinches his tiny thumb and forefinger together to sign "bird."
This is the sort of love that only a mother will know. It almost made me cry, as fresh memories of my son saying the word “birdie” while we looked through a book rushed through my mind. I imagine the emotions connected with it are much stronger for a mother who knows her son may never talk, and yet is still learning to communicate.
Found your item on the auto-reward page and I thought I’d take a look.
“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” This is the first thought that came to my mind when I read this. I believe that so many people believe in this line, but are unable to stop themselves from being fooled again. Here, you’ve clearly stated that you are not only able, but also going to BE SURE that it doesn’t happen to you again.
Again, you’ve written this wonderfully. Your use of vocabulary is beautiful, and the rhythm, almost somber in my mind, makes this a perfect read.
Thank you for the GP’s & have a wonderful day,
Anood
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Found your item here on the Newbie’s listing page. Welcome to Writing.com.
I can relate to what you’re trying to express here, and I really like the idea behind this, but I wonder if you couldn’t strengthen this piece by using less-common, possibly more in depth words?
Have yourself a wonderful day,
Anood
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Found your item here on the Newbie’s listing page. Welcome to Writing.com.
This short piece is full of emotion. I can sincerely relate to this, because I know the way my sons smile makes me feel. I just wish he’d stay small forever.
Have yourself a wonderful day,
Anood
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This poem proves that you have a wonderful eye for feeling and expressing third party situations. You’ve done a great job expressing emotion in this piece, while clearly understanding at least one side of the story.
Well done!
Have a wonderful day,
Anood
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I think you’ve done a wonderful job with rhythm and rhyme in this poem, and as a first attempt as something rather dark, you’ve done a good job.
The only thing I noticed is that the beat of the poem seemed a little too cheery for the topic itself. The two didn’t seem to go together. But then, that’s just my opinion.
Have a wonderful day,
Anood
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This is so sincerely sweet, I’d have been in tears if I didn’t have such a wide smile feeling what you felt while writing this. You’ve written a wonderfully beautiful letter that expresses the good memories about a lost love one, while leaving out the longing that most works on death have in them. I know it’s there, but it’s no longer the prominent emotion. That makes this unique and genuine. I loved this letter. I hope, when I am gone, someone writes something so positive, like this, for me.
Wow! This is an incredibly strong and passionate piece that is sincerely morbid in tone and visualizations. It reads smoothly and I couldn’t suggest a thing to improve it! Well done!
Have a wonderful day,
Anood
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"Invalid Item"
Are you interested in relationships with Arabs or Muslims? Check out this preface and the following chapters: "Invalid Item"
I loved this all the way through until the last line. It seemed almost shallow compared to the rest of this piece. There is so much mystery and it’s truly gripping until that very last, almost clichéd line. I suggest you end this with a strong statement, rather than a question of uncertainty.
Otherwise, this was brilliant as far as I could see.
Have a wonderful day,
Anood
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"Invalid Item"
Are you interested in relationships with Arabs or Muslims? Check out this preface and the following chapters: "Invalid Item"
Humm, I think what you’re saying here has a lot of merit. I try to blind myself from seeing those who make themselves so much more than they are, and uplift those who are truly modest. I try to be modest myself.
I love reading your thoughts. They always make me think.
Have yourself a wonderful day,
Anood
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This is a wonderfully written tribute to just one of the many stars who has somehow touched your life, and many others. A beautiful read, like much else I’ve read by you.
Have yourself a wonderful day,
Anood
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Though I found this was a very interesting line of thought, I wonder if there isn’t a way that you could re-word this to make it read easier. I understand that you’ve used dictionary definitions for the sake of this piece, but it does make reading rather difficult – your point is almost lost in all the punctuation and line breaks.
This is of course just my opinion.
Have yourself a wonderful day,
Anood
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Acrostics are always fun to write. But there are a few things you should clean up here. You’ve put spaces after the first letter of each word excepting the first line, and this makes it hard to read. Also here:
T till happiness fills the air <-- You need to remove the second “t”.
Hope this is helpful.
Have yourself a wonderful day,
Anood
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Anyone who’s ever suffered from depression can relate with these feelings and these thoughts. I sincerely hope that you’re feeling better by the time you read this. It gets better.
You’ve done a really good job describing yourself here, but because so many of us poets suffer, we write, and thus a lot of this sounds, to me like it’s already been said before. Maybe you could search for a more original spin on these emotions?!
Have yourself a wonderful day,
Anood
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