i was going through your works and noticed you wanted a review on this one, so this one is the one I'm gonna give u a review on. liked the poems too though.
the visitor, i really like. best compliment i can give is this: I'm touched. the descriptions, details and imagery are all worth praise, but the thing that gives it the most power is the final part when the view point changes. the story goes into a whole other level there. its just genius. i don't have any advices, save for the standard one: keep writing. cheers
to be honest when i first saw all the some ways and some hows and some wheres, i was preparing myself for criticizing the repetitiveness of the work. but you know what? it actually kinda works out in the end. it was a smart way to create harmony, repeating the last line. good work, keep at it.
i cant say i fully relate to it, seeing as I'm not a mom. but i do know about autism, and figure it has to be hard.
the rhythm worked for me, i read it twice. and it does project the loving-yet-disappointed mom image, which i can guess was what you were trying to get across. good work and...keep at it.
what i liked the most, was that you took one idea and stuck to it, never losing your rhythm, which just might be the hardest thing one has to learn in order to write anything worth reading. the idea clearly does have potential, so its definitely worth putting some effort into.
as far as criticism goes, there are a few things you need to work on. for one, in order for your story to capture the audience, you need to make them believe it. one way to do that is 'show' the audience what you want them to see, not 'tell' them. for example, when you say:"Framacee’s was a nice classy place out front and inside" you're telling it. but if you go for a nice detailed description of the restaurant, the audience would feel like they are the ones deciding its a classy place, and thus they would relate to the story better.
the other thing i suggest, is to be careful about the amount of info you give the reader. to reveal the main characters whole past in a few paragraphs kind of kills the mystery, don't you think?
so write on, this could turn into somethin real good.
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