This poem need more work. First of all: rhytm. Few first lines invite the reader for reception according to the rhytm - then next so long lines lose of it. Rhytm: You got it - when You use metrum. Try to draw each line in syllabic order. That mean: wovel in accent position have to keep same place in each other verse. Experiment: color each wovel differently and look at all things. What is good for the eyes in acoustic level give to the structure of the poem accordance. Then You know: this is art: artificial subject of language - opposite to the every day talking language. Also mess with the rhyme. When use it - do it in each line. Try to hear to the music of poem and compose in harmony. That gives to more consistence which is the only way to create artistic subject and appreciate in this case beauty and same time mystery of the nature - as the part of Universal Harmony. Finally: create some question or original statment about nature's beauty and mystery. That is salt and consequence of marvelous whiles with phenomenon of the nature.
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