Karen's (armorbearer) Reviews

Karen

Review Requests: OFF

336 Public Reviews Given

1,928 Total Reviews Given

1

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14 days may be credited.

#3891000

Review of The Long & Winding Moo

Review by Karen

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

I enjoyed reading about your personas and your views on writing and life. I enjoy a good bull/bovine story every now and then. And a good hang-dog look from my puppies will get me every time. I currently have 10, almost 11 dogs. The almost 11 is in our horse stall. No, I don't think he thinks he's a horse, but he showed up there almost two weeks ago. He thinks he's ours, but he isn't. If you want to read more about Cletus, as we named him, you can check out my blog. "Invalid Item"

How's that for self-promotion in a review.

2

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14 days may be credited.

#3889088

Review of Coyote Waits

Review by Karen

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Entrancing, eery, perfectly pitched, coyote needs to feed...

3

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#3864813

Review of Darkness My Old Friend

Review by Karen

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Masterful weaving of words. I felt the slow descent in my bones and the painful climb. Excellent.

4

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#3836543

Review of Barn

Review by Karen

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Wonderful imagery....and you know, this poem bounces right along in rhythm to Aaron Neville's "Don't Take Away My Heaven." It is pretty amazing. Since I need to listen to music while I read or write, it is a very good thing to find a poem that lines up so well with a musical pattern in a particular song I listen to.

I love old barn wood and old barns and old things of whatever nature. This is such a great poem. I don't know how to put it into words. 10+ stars!

5

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#3807232

Review of Stranger than Fiction

Review by Karen

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Funny, quite enjoyable read. You are just good! You make Scarlett come to life right before my eyes. The story moves right along without giving away the end before it comes. Here I thought you only wrote poetry. Who knew? Huh

6

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#3609817

Review of Hoot Owl

Review by Karen

In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC

Rated: E

| (4.0)

I stopped by your port today to read and review one of your posted items.
I wish you'd given the requirements of the particular form you used in this poem. However, it was a delightful poem full of alliteration, assonance, and consonance in one small little poem about owls.

Karen

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7

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#3603575

Review of Writing in Snow

for entry "Talking to Myself"

Review by Karen

In affiliation with Poetic Exploration

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

Ottava Rima Poem form: consistent 10 or 11 syllables in an 8 line poem with abababcc rhyme scheme.

An interesting concept in the royal “we” usage in conversation and then you don’t use it in the poem. I would like to have see the “we” used throughout somehow.

Your syllable count by lines is:
11 syllables in line 1
Only 9 syllables in line 2.
10 syllables in line 3
Only 9 syllables in line 4
10 syllables in line 5 – extra word (either “a” or “the”)
10 syllables in line 6
10 syllables in line 7
10 syllables in line 8

Your use of punctuation is confusing, and the re-use of the word “myself” as a rhyme word weakens the poem.

I have decided to use the royal we,
In my conversations with myself,
In dialogue between my muse and me,
This puts my ego’s fears on the shelf,
In the a dark corner where I cannot see,
The reasons I should sabotage myself,
This enhances my creativity,
And helps my soul see its reality.

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8

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#3591230

Review of Shoppers Beware

Review by Karen

In affiliation with Poetic Exploration

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

In my opinion, a good poem has the following:
resonance, rhythm, flow - even if it is free verse
clear meaning or message
proper punctuation, correct spelling/grammar
attention to the form used, if there is one
It will avoid redundancy and the overuse of the word "that."

I read your poem today, and these are my thoughts and suggestions:

My main thought is this is a marvelous and funny poem which I enjoyed reading. It fit the form completely. Clear message. Exceptionally well done.

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9

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#3591229

Review of Writing in Snow

for entry "A Vampire Dreams"

Review by Karen

In affiliation with Poetic Exploration

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

In my opinion, a good poem has the following:
resonance, rhythm, flow - even if it is free verse
clear meaning or message
proper punctuation, correct spelling/grammar
attention to the form used, if there is one
It will avoid redundancy and the overuse of the word "that."

I read your poem today, and these are my thoughts and suggestions:

I almost didn't read your poem because of the title and supposed subject of vampires. But to my surprise and delight, I found a marvelous poem which could be about someone other than a vampire. I found the poem to be quite correct as to form and every other aspect. The images were vivid and the emotional quality was there. This is one of the best poems I have read in some time....and I know I can be rather critical.

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10

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#3579270

Review of Frozen Chicken

Review by Karen

In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

I stopped by your port today to read and review one of your posted items.

If a poem gets a big chuckle after the reading, does this make the poet successful in his writing? Well, my fellow writer, if it does then this poem is a big winner!

You described the "form" of the poem quite well and then wrote a brief poem about chicken in the decapitated state. The placid state you speak of is featherless and frozen. I won't be reading this poem to my alive chickens who are right now scratching in the chicken yard.

Karen

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11

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#3552453

Review of I Pledge to You

Review by Karen

In affiliation with Poetic Exploration

Rated: E

| (4.5)

In my opinion, a good poem has the following:
resonance, rhythm, flow - even if it is free verse
clear meaning or message
proper punctuation, correct spelling/grammar
attention to the form used, if there is one

I read your poem today, and these are my thoughts and suggestions:
Your clearly met the form which four lines to a stanza. Your three stanza quatrain has a clear message about love and redemption. It has good rhythm and flows nicely. And since you decided to rhyme it abab; you did it properly. I cold find no spelling errors and you capitalized God and Him as they should be, but "And" in the second line should not be capitalized in keeping your style consistent. Your punctuation needs a little work; there are some errors in the comma department.

Overall, it's a nicely written poem.

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12

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#3549090

Review of Who am I?

Review by Karen

In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC

Rated: E

| (4.5)

I stopped by your port today to read and review one of your posted items.

Yes, most everyone asks the question and quite a few do it in poetry. I really like the last line of the poem. There were a few things I found distracting - the use of capitals at the beginning of each line even when it was not the beginning of a sentence. My eyes prefer the use of normal sentence structure and punctuation to help me know when to pause and ponder.

This was an enjoyable poem overall.

Karen

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13

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#3549077

Review of THE PENDULUM SWINGS

Review by Karen

In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC

Rated: E

| (4.5)

I stopped by your port today to read and review one of your posted items.

Richly done poem - great intensity. Good word choices. A delight to read overall.

There are a few suggestions you might consider - things that hit me as I was reading it:

Correct punctuation helps this reader determine the reading flow.
I read the "corrupt" as "corrupted" automatically. I had to go back and see that it wasn't. I would change it.
I would do away with the ... They feel affected.
Semi-colon, I would add, after ash.

Twisted seedling’s
emaciated stems
detach.

Barren mildew crawls,
corrupted roots lie dying.

Winds o’er dry, brittle
branches creak and sway
under cloud of dust,
roots withering to ash;

and the pendulum swings.

Karen

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14

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#3547562

Review of A Perfect Day

Review by Karen

In affiliation with Poetic Exploration

Rated: E

| (5.0)

I read your poem today, and these are my thoughts and suggestions:

In addition to a perfect day, looks like you've got a perfect poem. True to the form - meter and rhyme scheme. Your message is delightful and its good to know couples still get along...at least in your poem.

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15

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#3547104

Review of Writing in Snow

for entry "Ripples"

Review by Karen

In affiliation with Poetic Exploration

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

I read your poem today, and these are my thoughts and suggestions:

Nicely done Rondelet, correct to form and rhyme. Lots of good alliteration, creating a nice flow. Good imagery, seeing the ripples and the shedding of good things being passed on to others. Well done.

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16

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#3546711

Review of Her Plea Not Proud

Review by Karen

In affiliation with Poetic Exploration

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

I read your poem today, and these are my thoughts and suggestions:

Wonderfully written poem keeping to the requirements of the form. Excellent punctuation which makes a point with me. The message of sadness and love is clear. Well done.

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17

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#3544070

Review of Time Traveler

Review by Karen

In affiliation with Poetic Exploration

Rated: E

| (4.0)

I read your poem today, and these are my thoughts and suggestions: As always, a poem providing a message to think about. It's sort of in the them of "would I do it all over again?" My favorite part: "the time I have left to rend
my soul ragged with regret or defend" - really great alliteration!

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18

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#3543198

Review of My Destiny (Minute Poetry Form)

Review by Karen

In affiliation with Poetic Exploration

Rated: E

| (4.0)

I read your poem today, and these are my thoughts and suggestions:

You’ve got the syllables, but your rhymes are mostly near rhymes. However, I like it – message and style.

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19

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#3543112

Review of Writing in Snow

for entry "Sometimes"

Review by Karen

In affiliation with Poetic Exploration

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

I read your poem today, and these are my thoughts and suggestions:

"Ain't it the truth!" You met the requirements of the Monorhyme which takes only end rhyme. The syllable count inconsistency makes for a "bumpy" read right in line with the message of a bumpy life. Nice touch of alliteration in the last line.

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20

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#3535752

Review of Writing in Snow

for entry "Advice on achieving goals in 2011"

Review by Karen

In affiliation with Poetic Exploration

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

I read your poem today, and these are my thoughts and suggestions:

I like your little mice and the rest of the limerick as well. It works!

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21

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#3533246

Review of Treehouse

Review by Karen

In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

I stopped by your port today to read and review one of your posted items.
Very nicely done sonnet. I would prefer it have punctuation to help me know when to pause, when to breathe. Message is clear. Good job.

Karen

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22

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14 days may be credited.

#3532238

Review of To Know You (prev: A More Perfect Day)

Review by Karen

In affiliation with Poetic Exploration

Rated: E

| (4.0)

In my opinion, a good poem has the following:
resonance, rhythm, flow - even if it is free verse
clear meaning or message
proper punctuation, correct spelling/grammar
attention to the form used, if there is one
It will avoid redundancy and the overuse of the word "that."

I read your poem today, and these are my thoughts and suggestions:

A partial Quatrain…. It doesn’t have to rhyme, and it doesn’t except in the second stanza which is a,b,c,a. So, I am going to look at this a free verse poem and review it in that frame of reference – ignoring form.

It does read like a song of seeking a connection. Seeking communion with another in friendship which will cut through the excuses of time. It is not demanding and certainly not whining, just asking with a soft sadness behind the eyes. Nothing unique in the wording, but the message is clear. It’s a nice poem without error I could find in punctuation, word choice, or grammar.

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23

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#3532221

Review of Writing in Snow

for entry "I Wish I Were Alive Again"

Review by Karen

In affiliation with Poetic Exploration

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

In my opinion, a good poem has the following:
resonance, rhythm, flow - even if it is free verse
clear meaning or message
proper punctuation, correct spelling/grammar
attention to the form used, if there is one
It will avoid redundancy and the overuse of the word "that."

I read your poem today, and these are my thoughts and suggestions:

A Quatrain poem with the rhyme scheme of a,a,b,a – four stanzas – of a whimsical nature about a zombie who wants to live again and the problems he faces as the undead.

Now a rhyming poem as this also needs a specific, regular, consistent meter/rhythm – syllable count. Yours is all over the place from 6 to 14.
Using caps at the beginning of all lines makes it harder for the reader to know when to pause and breathe. If they are only used for beginning of sentences, the poem flows better.
Line one, first stanza: I think you wanted stumble.
First stanza: no need for any commas
Third stanza, line 2: You need began instead of begin. Began is past tense and that is the reference in this line. Began (nor begin) rhyme with happen. Need another word here.
I shumble under the midnight sky, 9
Attempting to articulate why, 9
I search for the brains of my next meal,
Rather then, just give up and truly die. - 10

Sometimes I wonder if my undeath is real, 11
Is this a nightmare brought on by eating veal? 11
I want to live again! 6
I want to watch dawn while eating hot oatmeal. 11

Becoming a Zombie was not part of my plan, 12
I enjoyed waking up at dawn when the day begin, 13
I did not like the darkness of night, 9
Because that was the time, I expected danger to happen. 14

Now I must hunt without the sunlight, 9
Stalking my neighbors as they run from me in fright, 12
Feeding on the living that prowl the night, 10
Knowing that only the moon is bright. 9

Here are my suggestions incorporated into your humorous poem. You may use them if you like.

I stumble under the midnight sky
attempting to articulate why
I search for the brains of my next meal
rather then just turn over and die.

I wonder if my undeath is real.
Is this a nightmare from eating veal?
I want to go back and live again,
watch the dawn while eating hot oatmeal.

Becoming a Zombie was my plan,
I enjoyed the dawn when day began,
I did not like the darkness of night,
when I might run into a hit man.

Now I must hunt without the sunlight,
stalking my neighbors who run in fright.
I must feed on those who prowl the night,
knowing that only the moon is bright.

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24

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#3528895

Review of Epitaph of a Fallen Man

Review by Karen

In affiliation with Poetic Exploration

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Resonance is, for me, the most important aspect of a well written poetry. I listened to your poem today, and here is my response:

Epitaph form: Clearly met the form's requirements. And as a poetic effort, it is really nicely done. Four lines, rhyme scheme a,a,b,b, pentameter-almost. The only thing I would change is to leave out "you must" for sake of keeping the rhythm consistent with the other three lines.

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25

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#3528416

Review of Writing in Snow

for entry "Epitaph of a Mystic Poet"

Review by Karen

In affiliation with Poetic Exploration

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Resonance is, for me, the most important aspect of a well written poetry. I listened to your poem today, and here is my response:

Epitaph form: Meets the form requirements. Lovely image. Would like a more consistent rhythm, and I can't make "strife" stand without an "of." Here are my suggestions incorporated into your poem.

No longer slave to matters of strife,
my soul sits under the Tree of Life,
composing odes to my God’s Glory,
recounting faith’s transforming story.

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