Although a flash fiction is short; and this one has word count limitation; a story should try and aim to produce a believable flow. Some choices in the story prevents it from being fully understandable. As I see it, this story seems to be not set in the past. Multiple uses of the past tense while having the story set in the present seems to be off to me. Furthermore the 'ranting' where it was written, "...political rhetoric, immigrate bashing, ..." is a bit too lengthy if done in real life.
Some suggestions is to cut off the word so it reads as, "... rhetoric, bashing, and ...". Use present tense instead of past. Maybe try to switch the zombies and brain so that you start of the story with the idea of, "They're turning me into a zombie!" and then, "... mindless killing are eating my brains.". Which would explain why the character was turning into a zombie because these issues are eating my brain. Instead of the current one which seems to explain why the character has her brains eaten, because the issues are turning her into a zombie. Finally using dialed twice to explain tuning into a news channel and calling emergency service may provide certain confusion.
However the story does brought up a very powerful topic, which is how the news tend to cover specific issues in subjective manner or of the world wide issues with violence.
An invigorating poem that takes a different perspective on what is presumed to be a hunter in nature but may turn out to be a different person. Unlike what a reader's first thought might be, the twist that makes the subject not about a hunter's life during a hunt provides a surprising thought. This then could make the poem be an allusion to a painter or photographer that is capturing nature instead. Such as reloading as to mean reloading the paint or camera catridge.
In regards to some specifics which may be a bit of a bother is how some word placements are made. For the first line and second line, pulling 'sun peeks' to end the first line instead of starting the second line may provide a clearer flow, unless it was intended as such by the author. Finally the line "alarm has scattered" seems a bit out of place, confusing, and vague in response to the lines above and below. A suggestion would be to change the word 'has' to 'and'.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 12:33pm on Nov 26, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "