You have managed to put into words what most of us think about from time to time. It doesn't sound random to me at all. I really like the simplicity, but profound, wording of your poem. You are right on with the philosophy that to have a future we must learn from the past.
A very nice and calming poem. A well written testament to the power of prayer. I would like to make a suggestion, and this is only my opinion, the last line "The prayer has been heard." All of the poem is written in first person and to keep the original flow personal maybe it should read "My prayer has been heard" Only a thought. What do you think?
Perfect!! Well-written with a "ZING_POW" ending. Loved it! You managed good charaterization and plot developement with few words. This one is a five in my book. It was a little predictable but had the right amount of pace to really work.
Very heartfelt emotional poem. You captured the essence of the quilt ridden victim of an alcoholic loved one. The meter of the poem was choppy, but still easy to read with simplistic wording that put the feelings in a realistic light.
Very nice scene of a murder. Well written except for an occasional misspelled word. "Skill" should be "Skull". Good plot concept. Unusual POV. I would have liked to have more insight and emotion shown from the murderer. What drove the main character to kill? How did he/she feel as the deed was being done? This is only my opinion, but I think the story would be more profound if the murderer's pysche was elaborated on a little more, to show the unreasonable insanity of murder.
Very inspiring poem! I really liked it. The metre was perfect except for the last two lines. I stumbled over that one for the overall rythm was broken. I would like to make a suggestion, only to be taken with a grain of salt.
Heaven awaits you, your spirit will rise,
Remember it through this angel's eyes.
It's your poem and conveys the message beautifully, sometimes rules are made to be broken.
Well done! Keep on writing!
Sincerely,
IGW
I liked it! Chills creeped down my spine, only in remembrance of what its like to be alone in a darkened house. Once my stomach growled and I was sure there was some beast in my room. HaHa. Well-written, short piece that produces a creepy ending. Unique idea.
I have one suggestion, and this is in no way a reflection on this well-crafted flash fiction piece. At the end this sentence puzzled me, "A bloodied mouth screeches unconsciously," I can't seem to get my brain around that image with the word 'unconsciously'. Maybe the word 'soundlessly' would make it an even more terrifying image. But it is entirely up to you.
Very Norman Rockwell type. I really enjoyed reading this slice of your life. Nicely written, conversation style. As though we were sitting at the kitchen table and you were reminiscing about the good old days.
I thouroughly enjoyed this. A family history behind a recipe is fun to read and I hope fun to bake. Tradition is very important to the cohesiveness of family and a sense of belonging for generations to come. You should consider writing a cookbook with this premise. Have a little story with each recipe. If you don't have enough of your own, I'm sure there are plenty of other family traditions out there.
I can tell you wrote this with a lot of emotion and tenderness. It reads like a dream description. There are a few things I would like to mention only as a friendly assist to your writing. I am in no way demeaning you or your story.
1st para--layed is spelled laid. also the flow of the sentence could be improved by replacing the second I with and , and removing the comma. such as "I laid under the starry night and watched the stars(sky would be a better word here--you already have the word starry).also the whole sentence has too many activities, try breaking it down to 2 or 3 sentences.
envolpled should be enveloped.
2nd para--the use of the word starry again is redundant, try using another word, maybe, clear, sparkling night.
Too many commas without conjunctions, not easy for the reader. Try rearranging thusly--Trees surrounded a long meadow full of tall flowing grass. Redundant use of 'long' twice in the same sentence will be eliminated.
This is a sweet story, full of promise of young love. But the flow is choppy at times when too many commas are used for several thoughts that could be broken down into more than one sentence. This is throughout the story. You could be a llittle more descriptive by using diffrent words for the same imagery.
Didn't quite get the ending. why did it all fade? what caused it all to fade?
Your writing seems senstive and heatfelt. Never give up! Keep on Writing!
Loved It! Truly a writers journey are little leaps of insight. A very good read. Very lighthearted and well-written. I would like to read more of Dick's writing epiphanies. Would make a good novel.
Bravo on a job well done! Keep on writing!
Sincerely,
IGW
Humorous little skit and well written. You got a dogs actions down perfectly. I loved the names. I loved the way you had Shimmy talking out loud to her dog. Anyone who has pets knows that is what we all do. And the sudden fright and running toward sanctuary for both was classic.
A well-written snippet of whats it's like to deal with Alzheimers. A sad part of some people's lives. The character you write about quickly realizes a way to deal with it. Love is never forgotten only misplaced.
Wow! Insanity at its best. Great writing! I was enthralled from start to finish. Insight into the madmans mind was amazing. Very well-written. One question though, what if he finds his own name on that list? Hah! The ultimate judgement. I really enjoyed reading this story.
The thoughts of the big cat are mesmerizing. You did a good job of promoting the tiger's feelings. I found I had to read it more like a story than a poem. The cadence was a little choppy. But you know what, it worked.
HaHaHa! I bet it was one of those string bikinis you have to tie in place. I had an embarrassing moment just like that except mine was at the lake. A boat full of people just stared. We had to motor over to where mine got hooked on the bank in some bushes. After that I made sure I bought only bathing suits that had good sturdy hooks. I loved reading about your most embarrassing moment. That took guts. And you told it so well.
Well-written story about the sixth sense all mothers have about their children. The language was simple and made an easy read. Held my attention from first to last. Didn't bog down the story with too much information. I enjoyed reading this piece and especially the ending.
Very imiginative! A fun read. I couldn't help notice you used the word innocuos twice. Such an unusual word for description detracted a little from the story, it was too noticable. It's only my opinion but if one was removed, the flow would be perfect.
Good story, I enjoyed this read very much. Great twist at the end.
Excellent free verse. Images of hate replaced with images of love and hope are amazing. The feelings are conveyed in beautiful style, simple yet elegant.
well wriiten. I enjoyed reading these universal feelings and knew that revenge can be overcome.
What a wonderful, sad and poignant story. You conveyed the feeling of the boy's desperation and hope perfectly. Very-well written. I can't help but wonder, did the boy get adopted? The ending was good in a way, leaves the reader to make up their own finsh. I enjoyed reading this one very much. The writing flowed, kept me glued to the very end.
Sweet revenge! Haha! loved it. Animating a lovable plush toy is not new but you gave it a creepy and ingenious twist by having an ex with obvious occult abilities. Well-written and engrossing. Short but packed with punch. I thouroughly enjoyed this one.
Bravo on a job well done! Keep on writing!
Sincerely,
IGW
Well-written poem about the confusions of love. I won't ,but I will type of thing. The lovely poem shows that no one really has any control over their feeling when it comes to love. I really like the simplicity of the cadence and words you use, makes it more real for the average reader.
Very well written prose of melancholy. The cadence and choice of words give the piece a feeling of depressiveness, exactly what you were looking for. But you also leave the reader with a glimmer of hope with the dreamcatcher at the end. Found nothing wrong with this piece. Good Job! Great read!
Scarry nightmare! Wonderful descriptive phrases. You make the reader feel as if he/she is there, in the dark, unable to control the body. I've had nightmares where my body felt bogged down in molasses. Good ending. Perfect story for first person. well-written. Held my attention from first sentence to last.
Bravo on a job well done! Keep on writing!
Sincerely,
IGW
Loved it! As my Mother always told me. "To remain humble you must always remember, there will be someone, somewhere who can outdo you."
Good concept hinting at an infinite reality. Well-written. Great punch at the end. Excellent imagery.
Bravo on a job well done! Keep on writing!
Sincerely,
IGW
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/author2me
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.09 seconds at 2:30pm on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
