I think this could be an amazing story, but it's really great for a first draft! "Show, don't tell" is a phrase I have been told several times and this applies here as well. Especially in the 2nd series, but in also in the whole story, I would use more descriptive words and really build up the location, the emotions, the pain and agony that the puppies have gone through. I want to really know what trauma these puppies have endured. Once I have that information, it will somewhat show why Augie is able to come to Billy in his dream and find the other puppy. Also, I would really oomph up the connection between Billy and Augie. The paper is a bit too rushed and it is hard to understand the truth behind the events. When you write, try picturing in your mind what is all around you and write all of that down; the smells, what you see, tastes, sounds, etc.
Great start though! I would love to read it again when/if you revise it. :D
W-O-W! I'm not sure what else to say. I absolutely loved this story. I am still wondering if he is "crazy" or not. LOL. I loves stories that make you wonder endlessly and then you are still not sure even at the end because it could be a million other things. I would love to know what the answer is, but that is another story. :)
I also loved the way you "showed and didn't tell". I have been told this statement a couple of times in the past two days and you have definitely mastered it, I believe.
Keep up the awesome work! I can't wait to read more.
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