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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/aversiveoddity
Review Requests: OFF
19 Public Reviews Given
19 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Free-verse poets (or form, if desired) come here. I will be very honest. Blunt and I will tell you precisely what I think you could do better to portray your poetic message, technically and with diction. Also, if there is cliche, I'll kick it. Basically, if need be, I'll punch the poem's face off, then tell you how to reshape it. :P (Hyperbole for humor!)
I'm good at...
Free-verse poetry, specifically. I can do form if need be, however.
Favorite Genres
Any, honestly. I won't skew what you want to portray, but HOW you portray it.
Least Favorite Genres
None, particularly, but I often come across as harsh against love and romance--I will be harsher, frankly because they are much more fraught with cliches.
I will not review...
I simply just don't feel that I have any authority in the realm of stories.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Jen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was...extremely amusing. The flow was awesome (which is hopefully expected with form poetry), and trying to write was hard. The last line was very amusing. XD

2
2
Review of The Pantry  Open in new Window.
Review by Jen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really like the contrast here between the two tales. "...And ask that my apron may not be assured'--I approve. I really can't complain about too much.

Congratulations on being my first five. :D (I believe)
3
3
Review by Jen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
A declaration, I see. I share with you such sentiment. The words dedicated to each set.

Words that added anger, passion to this, would've helped. Also, what sparked such passionate feelings? I'm curious. "Blessed are those who seek change", is a fitting thesis in the primary stanza.

The contrast between the rough shouts of perseverence and the soft ending concerning love...I cannot decide how I feel on that. I just wish it would've felt more passionate, using more energized and unique diction. It would help the tone of calling upon people to be different/outstanding.
4
4
Review of Hanakotoba  Open in new Window.
Review by Jen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I was very surprised I liked this. The flow was great for a free-verse. Also, though I was scared of the horrid cliche of flowers and love, you took that twist on traditional love (outside of the marriage, but not just a one-night stand) and the unusual flowers, i.e. cacti, sweet pea blossoms. I also like their contrast to the monochromatic, daily business world of the white collar workplace that most likely sparks their need for such passions.

The painful conclusion after all that...not unoriginal/cliche, but still realistic and universal. The narration was fairly smooth, as well. I think it is a bit too long-winded (although the story basically forgives that) and some more radical diction to contrast the bore of the workplace and the blossom of their relationship could've spiced this up.

Overall, I was pleasantly surprised.
5
5
Review by Jen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Dear god. From a personal standpoint, this was illustrious. The way you took a joke and turned it into a serious argument against the environmental destruction made me laugh. I liked the flow too, the choppy syntax bringing out the panicked emotion. All I wish to have seen would be more emotionally-charged wording to bring out the raw emotion of CHOCOLATE-FREE WORLDS!
6
6
Review by Jen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I loved the second half of the poem. The structure starts with a sole rose, but branches out (no pun intended) to cover all forms of flora in their winter struggle, then perhaps onto other species or humans for a moral. A lovely flow. Line breaks may have helped, with varying syntax, but that wasn't much of a bother for me.

My main concern is the use of a rose. Flowers themselves are pretty cliche, but Roses take the cake.

This leads to overused diction, such as "fragile petals". Perhaps use interesting new metaphors or spicy similes to bring life into the beaten rose bush where poets often drink.

I like the rhythm, however. And the repetition, leading onto longer time, leaving us wondering if it did persevere or not. I've oft heard warnings against the ellipses, overdone where the writer could've put something more effective.

You succeeded.
7
7
Review of Blood ties  Open in new Window.
Review by Jen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
You portrayed your emotions and images well. However, it lacked the creative use of language and bounds--strategic line breaks, syntax, etc. I think it'd make an effective story moreso--perhaps, prose poem?

Watch the cliches. That's one thing that caught me.
8
8
Review of Aloft  Open in new Window.
Review by Jen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I honestly liked this poem. For a simple emotional poem, it was quite well-done. I am very hard on cliches...but I did not see too many here. The language was simple, but effective.

The flow was decently done, as well. My only complaint was the lack of very intriguing language.

Welcome as well, fellow newbie.

(sorry for the lack of points...I'm poor my first day in :P).
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