Hello,
This is an extremly sad poem, but I know all too well that this is exactly how one feels when their life has turned to shit. I thought it was a good representation of the emotions and thoughts of someone who has contemplated suicide, but you did it in a gentle way. I thought the poem was well structured and refined. I hope things get better! Kudos.
Blessings,
Aurora WeiAvalon
oh i love this story. Indigo children have always facinated me because I was an indigo child. I love the setting and the characters. I think you created a nice foundation in a very short space. I would love to see this expanded on, I'm so anxious to see what happens to Angela.
Blessings,
Aurora WeiAvalon
55 words is hard to do, but I think you did it nicely. I think what you are writing about is literally a war, but I could interpret this in many different ways and see many different symbols in this. I like how you have a beginning, middle, and end in this short story. The end breaks my heart, but it was honest. Good job!
Blessings,
Aurora Wei
I really loved this poem. The structure is really well done and makes the poem flow beautifully. The representation of the duality of life is absolutely breath taking and you worded it so it played like a movie in my mind. I thought it was great and it reminds us that eventhough we are at our lowest point, someone is at their highest. Kudos.
Blessings,
Auora WeiAvalon
Hi,
I absolutely loved the point of view on this piece. I thought this was simple and melancholy, but I'm sure that was your intention. lol I thought your writing style really matched what you are talking about. It was sad and probably true, but I guess we'll only find out when we pass. My fav lines are:
"Unblinking
Like a teasing salvation I can never reach,
A reminder of a happiness I once had."
These are so good its beyond words.
Blessings,
Aurora WeiAvalon
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