Interesting piece. I really dig your style of writing. Good descriptions and a few sentences that really stuck out at me. Good job. May I ask how old you are?
Here is just a few things I noticed upon a quick read:
I noticed a few instances were the word or verb tense did not match
I noticed the word "on" when it should have been "one"
I would encourage you to keep writing and keep churning them out. I recently put up one short story I think you would like. Take a read when you have time - Blake
Great character development paired with some very nice details. Nice writing style. I recently wrote a short story that has a disgusting character which stirkes a similar chord as Laura.
If you don't mind me asking what gender and age are you?
Some good points and questions. Just try to be a good person, non-selfish, do what makes you happy, have fun, life's way too short. I think you strive to be a good person and live a full life and help others on your way through the after life will take care of it self :)
Solid short story. Well written. Very true that one bad mistake can be a game changer in life. It does not say if she had been drinking too only that she begged him to let her drive. I think she had consumed even more alcohol/drugs than he did and just thought she could drive better. Who really knows the outcome if she were to have drove :)
Kept me interested through out the entire read. Really good charater development and descriptions. Is there more to this story? It left me wanting to read more.... Sounds like you could keep going and turn this into one rocking novel. I see you have several other stories that I will have to check out also. Keep it up !!
Good stuff. Well written, may be a little too wordy at times with the adjectives. I would like to know a little more background on who Mona was in the narrator's script, however, overall I believe you could do more with less on this story. I like your writing style - rate it a 4 !!
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