I really like this. I think it is about a prostitute and if it isn't than this whole review is really embarrassing. It actually makes you have sympathy for her and that is hard to have feelings for someone in such a short piece.
This was a pretty good piece. I like how one person is trying to convince the other about the existence of angels and the other is trying to deny the existence of angels. When you have a new person talking you have to start a new line of dialogue. I don't understand why you have put a whole line in between a sentence. I think you might want to fix these two little things. It has a lot of potential, I think you should continue writing because you have talent.
I have already wrote this in your journal, but I love this poem! I love how she seems happy to everyone, but she is really dying inside. I love how she wants someone to aprroach her but nobody wil because they find her intimidating.
The last line that says "Because of you I am dead" I think it would be better if you put this separate. I like how you exaggerated your lines and it made you feel what the person felt. It sounds like someone has lost someone they deeply cared about. I really like the lines "I lost it in the woods somewhere, Somewhere it is safe from you-" it makes the reader see how badly she was hurt. These two lines "I locked my heart in a box, Because I feared you –" really were good because I felt like it told how much she has suppressed the feelings and how she is trying to keep away from this person becasue she doesn't want to get hurt again. Overall it was a really good poem and you should be proud of it!
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/beachbum13
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 5:33pm on Dec 26, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
