This is quite an impressive poem. I liked its tone of command and confidence. By using free verse you grab our attention and never let go, challenging us to tame you now!
I liked the brief and comedic nature of this engaging piece. In few words you did a good job of describing this funny situation and it worked very well. I particularly liked the fact you could not get away from these characters and how they did not understand you were only trying to help. Well thought out and delivered.
I like the colours and description in this. It is quite dramatic and we get the sense of terror apparent in these tornadoes. You have chosen not to rhyme, that seems ok. Nice use of language, the twisting, the spinning etc. It builds to a climax and then as in life it subsides suddenly and there is a sense of calm returning. This poem works well.
I found this account very factual and full of detail about what happens to someone that has a heart attack. It sounds quite scary and to be dreaded. I felt your narrative style was very informative. One of the things one is told to do is SHOW rather than TELL in storymaking and maybe you could bear this in mind when you are writing.
You are right to voice your views. Quite honestly she sounds like an interfering old bag. But anyway we are all different - something she seems to have forgotten, just because it would not be right for her does not mean it is wrong for you. I doubt your tattoes define you, maybe your poetry does, or at least more so. Your poem says in a terse way your views, maybe you could have gone for a bit more rhyme in it. The end seems to tail off as for natural rhythm etc. You need to listen to the rhythm of the piece and be sure it does not read like an ordinary sentence for if it does it is not good poetry. Why do you admit to being insane, I felt she had won when I read that. You must be less intimidated, if people are to respect your views. PS Can you return and review something of mine. Thanks Biblioboy
This is an interesting narrative of someone in distress. The deathly overtones are quite surreal and we wonder what is going on. You have created a mystery about this life and this person feels real pain when he can't be seen. It has a dream/nightmare quality to it too. You seem to have paced it very well and it is self contained and stands on its own. It works well as a short story of otherworldly dimensions.
Nice heartwarming reminiscence of times gone by when you were growing up in Maine. It reads nice and cosy, that bit about the cocoa, and all that snow. It must have been mighty cold. You bring out the sense of snow cold times. Nice narrative that tells a homey type story well!
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