That ain't even right! I have to say good job on a clever deception. I was so into what was going to happen next and trying to figure how all this was going to tie together. It was a pleasant twist and the story was in interesting the whole way through, I didn't even scroll down to see how much story was left and that's saying something. It flowed well, great job
and thanks for sharing.
Doesn't matter from which emotion or memory this short but invoking piece sprang from,
it only matters that it found it's way to the surface. I read and then reread this piece
and sunk deeper in a memory from long ago. I think that's what makes a piece wonderful, it's
ability to invoke passion or dread or maybe just a long thought or two. I don't know how to
judge poetry for it has so many variations and style, so I ask two questions of myself
did I enjoy reading the piece and did it move me in some small or large way, and the answer is yes to both. I enjoyed your writing and thanks for sharing.
I must say I enjoyed this piece immensely. I feel that this is a strong person who had a life of of hard choices and dread. My heart goes out to her,
along with my admiration. You really did a great job at conveying those emotions of this person and I felt them. I guess what I am saying is job well done and keep on writing.
I like this story a lot, the reporter grew as did your readers. I love the fact you used your very limited allotment of words and was able to shed a light
on the rare acts of humanity... to love one's brother, and that a dis proven assumption isn't a disappointment but the most news worthy of the reporter's
options of the evening. I enjoyed reading your story.
God bless you in every good thing you do.
Liked this poem a lot, the determination of the boy to build the sand castle fortress and the fortitude of principle to destroy the labor intensive
project thus depriving the ocean of that satisfaction. I had fun reading this poem, I think you write free verse very well. Thanks for sharing your writings
with us. God bless you and yours.
Wow I really liked this story. I was taken in at the beginning and enjoying the story, but then you went boom and hit me with end times reference
and I got goose bumps. I loved the way your story was presented and it was easy to follow. You kept my interest from start to finish. Great job as far as I'm concerned keep on writing, and thanks for sharing.
God bless you and yours.
How about bravo! I'm a native born Floridian and spent a great deal of time at the ocean,and I have had very rare but very powerful moments while standing on shore. I thank you for bringing those memory s back. I think you did a wonderful job with the limitation you had. Thanks for sharing
and keep on writing.
God bless you and yours.
I like this story, it was funny and had me rooting for the color green. As I am new to writing such small stories, I have no criticisms to offer you
I think it to be a great little story given the amount of words afforded us to use. So in short I just wanted to tell you I enjoyed reading this piece and hope you get someone more learned that I to give you any pointers or criticisms if any are needed. Good job and keep on writing.
That is the kind o poem I like. You wrote about a tree and the way he not only sees the storm,but on a very deep level how he fears it.The tree twist and bends not wanting to give in, sounds just like us and our every day storms we face.You did a wonderful job telling the tree's story and conveying all his emotion as though they were real. Thanks for sharing your perspective on this, I doubt I'll ever look at my trees in a storm the same way again, I find it hard to be leave you are a newbie. I liked this very much...So please keep on writing.
I like where you where you were going with the poem's concept, and I enjoyed the meat of the story, dead Jeb finds love etc. The criticism I have would be the timing of this piece. The flow should be smooth and even, if you were to even out the sentences to a closer amount of words, and keep the ryme
at the end of the sentence and not in the body of the sentence she will smooth right out. The ideal and premise was really good I think you are on your way to becoming a well written writer.
Good luck and Keep on writing.
I enjoyed your story very much. It read very well,kept me interested, and the response reluctantly given by Charon at the end there
spoke volumes. You showed a lot without being to descriptive and boreing. I think it to be a really well written story with a unique
perspective on the damn's journey. Keep on writing.
First part had a little of a rocky flow to it, but parts two and three were great, with smooth flow and good timeing on your rymes. The substance of this piece came across with great ease, and took me back to the time or two when I threw a coin
in a well. Never once did I ever look at it from the coins point of view, now that I know that even the coin thinks it's foolish
to do, I'll try something else. Enjoyed reading this piece.
Wow, thats a really intense story. You had me fooled in the room he put her in. At first I thought she was sitting on the remains of other victims of these guys. Good mis direction. At the end I do have a question, is Teresa chained to the wall? And if she isn't chained to a wall
why did the key in the other girls mouth upset her? Over all very interesting story, very entertaining. Like the whole mountain of keys
with only one promising freedom them, I think it was very original consept.
Really good story. I liked the way you took us through the emotions and conflict he had to deal with. The fact that he was willing to forget about justice in order to spare her feelings proves his loyalty and devotion to her. I so enjoyed this piece. There are one or two spots that you might have forgotten to put in a word or might have added a word that interrupted the flow. That being, it was a good story.
Let me start out by saying bravo on getting me to read your poem, The way I interpided the title I assumed it was going to be about a apperition or specter of some short. It was only a few lines in when I knew it was going to be about the haunting memory's of love once held, and then destroyed and it's shards flung so far into the future that it gurantees that all your would be suiters are tainted in some small way.
I really enjoyed this piece, you put it together very well and it was interesting to the very end.
This is a realy great piece. I loved the jorney you took me on, from the planing of their little adventure. To the tramatic encounters of The un House. I could imagine the little fellow's fear and I felt fear for him and his friends. I think you are a wonderful writer. Please continue to put pen to paper.
I think this is a great piece, very informative. I forgot about Ananias and the role he played in helping one of the greatest advocates of the
Lord.I was entertained and informed at the same time and got the fact that Ananias was indeed the devout man of Christ you claim him to be.
Enjoyed reading it. Keep on writing.
Very good,the way you rymed didn't get old or streched.I am impressed with the fact that I felt for her the same way you did about her,even if it was only for a brief moment,i felt a real sense of urgancy at the prospect of her leaveing .Good job I liked it would not change a thing.
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