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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bill2015
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4 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi, kranand. You have some interesting thoughts, and the twist at the end was unexpected. Good job!

I would, however, like to see you show the story more, rather than just tell it. I thought some dialogue might also be helpful in moving the story forward. These are just some thoughts. Overall, I thought the plot was interesting.
2
2
Review of jacob  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi, Sherry. I enjoyed your story. My daughter used to own a horse, and your story brought back happy memories. Horses are wonderful creatures.

A couple of things I thought might improve your writing a bit is if you used capital letters to start your sentences. It would just make it easier to read. Also, if you broke your story into paragraphs at the proper places, I think it would ease the reading.

Keep at it. You have some great ideas!
3
3
Rated: E | (5.0)
A great piece of writing touching on several common emotions and problems. I wish I could say something negative about this one, but I really can't. You pulled me in from the title to the last words. Five stars!
4
4
Rated: E | (3.5)
I like the way you replaced anger with vengeance. That was very interesting.You also did a nice job of showing the torment of anger in this man's life.One thing I would like to see is this piece broken into several paragraphs. It would define your story better and make it visually easier to read.A job well done!
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