This is a good little wish-fulfillment story. It has a beginning, a middle, and an end, and a nice little twist at the end. Some of the word choices seem a little off, such as: receding shoreline (Was the shoreline really growing farther away?), nonplussed, fraud squad (This sounds less like an official investigative unit and more like something from a b-movie or a cartoon), erstwhile friends.
I have a hard time believing the detective who discovered the manuscript sat down and read it straight through and instantly knew that was exactly how the crime had happened. If he had the details that were in the manuscript, he would have known more about where to look for the stolen money than he did. Also, as a long-time member of the middle-class, boarding school seems to be more the domain of the wealthy -- at least in the States, but maybe you and your character live elsewhere? I'm also not certain about the "low tech disks" comment. Seems to try to shove this story into the realm of science fiction, but it doesn't make it.
Again, overall this is very well written. The dialogue is smooth and flows well and the character is believable.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/birol
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.06 seconds at 1:42pm on Dec 26, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
