The basic story premise has potential, but you need to polish the form of the story. If the jeweler had decided he needed the job to win back his wife who had been wandering at night, this would add import to his actions and set up the ending. The first 2 sentences of the 2nd chapter need to be combined into one sentence. The dialogue in chapter 2 is drawn out. For this to be effective you could state how the casino owner likes to draw out conversation and make people squirm. And at the end, instead of restating what the letter says, the jeweler needs to have a reaction to what has happened for a powerful ending.
This is an well thought-out system of reviewing presented in an excellent manner. But I wish you had gone into finer detail and listed how you decided the 'point fives' (3.5, 4.5, etc.). Sometimes that part of the reviewing takes more thought from me than the whole numbers, and I would like to hear others' thoughts on that point.
There were a few typing errors (to instead of too, etc.) but this is a very good piece. I especially like the fact you ended on a happy note without feeling tied to a happy ending. The use of the Brothers Karamazov, the grandmother, and the helpful interviewer give the story cohesion. Have you submitted this?
My only negative comment is on the title- it spoils an otherwise excellent ending. With the preceding chapters, you built a world where unnoticed birthdays can and do happen. So why not take advantage of that with a title without the word "Suprise"? If not for the title, the impact of Joe's suprise would have been much stronger.
These short stories are great! I especially enjoy the simile "she took to DJing like a wino to Thunderbird." The only improvement I can suggest is in the last sentence you add "thanks to Joe the drinks..." to unite the 3 of them as a part of the bar. But I'm not sure if that's what you had in mind.
Very good story, but the heroine has no active role in her being accepted. If perhaps the daughter were caught in a balloon and she had to rescue the daughter (who could then reveal her own ability), this would give the story momentum and it would make her an active participant.
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