Hi there, I'm Jay and I enjoyed reading "The Unprecedented Ending", and decided to jot down a few of my thoughts. I'm not a professional, I have no special canned format for my reviews, and frankly have done less than a handful of reviews in the 9 years I've been a member here. So, that being said, feel free to agree, disagree or completely disregard anything I say here.
Firstly, I have to say that I enjoyed the overall idea. Their story, for what sounds like a great many years, was good vs. evil, and now the unthinkable has happened: Evil has prevailed. This is a topic that has been explored before, but you've put a different twist on it. Normally, evil prevails temporarily and eventually good comes along and stamps it out again. Yours is a very real, very gritty take on the reality of a not-so-happy ending.
The next thing I liked was how you describe that he was prepared for every possible outcome. All except one. I got a great sense of how impossible he thought this particular outcome was. It was a great glimpse into the confusion and uncertainty taking over his mind, and I felt the uncertainty as to where this character would end up, which brings me to my final point.
I love that you ended the story where you did. This allowed me to wonder what will become of this man. Will he continue with his evil ways in the hopes that he'll be challenged by good again some day? Will he reflect on what he's done and honour the sacrifice made by the woman by changing his ways? Or, an even more interesting thought, is he so affected by the outcome, and his new lack of direction, that he descends into madness with his only future being to fight inner demons for the remainder of his years?
I love short stories born from writing prompts, because it brings out ideas, and thoughts that likely would never have found life. Thank you for sharing this. I really enjoyed reading it.
I love the story line. I want nothing more than to read the next chapter!! Let me know if you continue with the story, and if you need someone to read future chapters.
Excellent choice! I'd be very interested in hearing what happens next. Time travel is always a great theme for a story, and yours reminds me subtly of a book I've read called the Doomsday Conspiracy. Specifically it's the way in which time travel happens in both the book, and your story. There are no 1980's gull winged vehicles, no Electrified Phone Boothes with TV antennae, just a "one-minute-you're-here-the-next-you're-not." Very well done.
One suggestion for improvement I'd make, would be to format your text a bit differently to make it easier to read. I find that if I copy/paste my writings into a program like notepad, format it, then copy/paste it into the website, it usually makes it easier to read.
Again, great work!
Jay
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