Think the premise is good. The story has potential; a young man in pre-1910, wanting to find his own way, rebelling against convention. The biggest things jumping out at me right now are the grammar, punctuation, etc. I think it's hard to differentiate past conversations with Dad from the thoughts running through his head. Long dashes are too frequent and I had trouble discerning the past from the present. EX: "It just [didn't]doesn’t click in his head. His father [had]has no regard for culture, no interest in music or art[;] —save [his]is [love of]adoration for the color green [no dash]—[and this is a wee, bitty tiny afterthought]or history." Also, pay attention to language usage as it would have been in 1907; this is a proper and privileged young man. I am interested in seeing where the story takes him. Good luck!
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bluemoon44
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 4:01pm on Dec 26, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
