Grammatical/Spelling Mistakes:
You forgot the "i" in "Vi" somewhere. I forgot where. Sorry.
Overall, General Review:
I really liked this. Seriously. The descriptions are wonderful.
Certain phrase:
"...The streaks of bright red and gold flashed across the morning sky, their reflected brilliance off the building’s mirrored sides..." Incredible first sentence.
"His mad little eyes bulging and spittle dripping from his lips, the stench of his breath permeating his senses and making him wish that bandits would be more sanitary and brush their teeth more often." LOL
This is amazing! Very funny, and beautiful descriptions. I wish you would continue this; it has great potential. Nice job!
Keep Writing!
Cheers!
--Boston
"I remembered the whisper of the name, it was silent, it was sweet."
This is a wonderful story. Seriously. Great descriptions, and it was overall really incredible and emotional. It would be great if you could continue it; it has great potential.
Nice job!
Keep writing!
--Boston
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bmeyers
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.06 seconds at 5:05pm on Dec 26, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
