Grammatical/Spelling Mistakes:
You forgot the "i" in "Vi" somewhere. I forgot where. Sorry.
Overall, General Review:
I really liked this. Seriously. The descriptions are wonderful.
Certain phrase:
"...The streaks of bright red and gold flashed across the morning sky, their reflected brilliance off the building’s mirrored sides..." Incredible first sentence.
"His mad little eyes bulging and spittle dripping from his lips, the stench of his breath permeating his senses and making him wish that bandits would be more sanitary and brush their teeth more often." LOL
This is amazing! Very funny, and beautiful descriptions. I wish you would continue this; it has great potential. Nice job!
Keep Writing!
Cheers!
--Boston
"I remembered the whisper of the name, it was silent, it was sweet."
This is a wonderful story. Seriously. Great descriptions, and it was overall really incredible and emotional. It would be great if you could continue it; it has great potential.
Nice job!
Keep writing!
--Boston
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