A well written piece. I had no problems following the story, the characters were described well, and I could visualize the surroundings. Thanks for sharing your talents and keep that pen to the paper(or fingers on the keyboard). Have a great day!
A good read. I enjoyed. I think you did a great job of taking the story from hopeless to hopeful. It's always nice to see someone find their place in life and you told it well. Thanks for sharing your work. Have a great day and keep that pen to the paper, or fingers on the keyboard, whichever your preference may be.
Best of luck on the contest!
Bobscott
Good stuff. Thanks for sharing your thought. I've been trying to tell those dumb asses to get the hell out of deaths way for years, but they never seem to listen. Keep up the good work and keep that pen to the paper, or fingers on the keyboard, whichever your preference may be.
Ah, a very heart warming tale. You don't disappoint. You did a fine job of mixing fond childhood memories with a sick situation. Thanks for sharing and keep up the great work.
Wow! Powerful. I've been there, mentally, a few times. This is a great read, I thought it had a good flow and rhymed well. It definitely got the point across. To quote Yoda :"the dark side I sense In you." Great work, and thanks for sharing. Keep it up,and have a great day.
I'll have to remember never to rent that movie. I really enjoyed this, especially the ending. I've often thought how it would suck to be in certain movie situations. Good work, thanks for sharing. Keep up the good work and keep that pen to the paper, or fingers on the keyboard, whichever your preference.
I enjoyed this one, short and sweet. I do have a question, was the fact that the daughter didn't cry or show emotion suggest that she killed the old man? If so, she was getting away with it since he was so old nobody was bothering to investigate. That's what I got from it, is that about right? Anyway, good little story, It really leaves me guessing. Write on!
I enjoyed reading this. I like the dialogue and the direction that the story seems to be going. The one thing that I think could improve this(just my personal opinion, mind you) would be to weave in a bit more information about the characters personality.
I sense that Sandhurst doesn't like a few little things about Duffy, and that Duffy has an accent but that's about it. For me character development goes a long way to improve a story.
I hope I made clear that I enjoyed this,and would like to read on. If I've come off too critical, it was not my intention and I apologize. Thanks for sharing, and keep up the good work. Keep that pen to the paper, or fingers on the keyboard(whichever your preference), ans have a good day.
This was a good little read. There's nothing better than a tale of someone stuck eternally in a hellish situation to lift the spirits.
There were a couple of things that tripped me up a little in the first couple of paragraphs(just my opinion, mind you), no biggies.
1:...slept in it for the night...any longer and he risked...
I think it should be: ...the night, any longer...
2:(paragraph 2)...after all these are where all the best homes found...
I think it should have read:...homes were found...
I hope I didn't come off too nit-picky, I have no intention of doing that. I sincerely enjoyed the story and was just trying to be helpful.
Thanks for sharing. Have a good day and keep that pen to the paper, or fingers on that keyboard(whichever your preference).
This is a good little read. It sounds as if you are writing about "the girl that got away". I gathered that this girl is interesting and unique but, unfortnately unattainable. This poem gives me the sense that the writer is still hot on her trail and deep down believes that he may someday catch her. But the writer is also coming to terms with the fact that he may never have her. I do not know if this was what you intended to portray but it's what I got from it. I thought it was a powerful and well written piece. It flowed great and kept a good pace. Thank you for sharing your talent with everybody out here in reading land and keep that pen to the paper!
That was an interesting little read. Reminds me a lot of my German Shepard puppy(65 lb puppy). I thought this was a good story, no mistakes that I could see. This must have been a very soul searching exercise for you. Interesting comparison of the dog to the character's life. Overall I enjoyed this.Thanks for sharing and keep writing.
I really enjoyed this story. I would like to read further adventures of misty,fog and especially jack's other lives. I did notice one major flaw in the tale. It was set in the sixties I gathered from the news reports of jfk,but at the end christine said she had left her cell phone at home. But other than that the story entertained very well. Thanks for sharing and keep writing!
Cute little piece. It gave me a good little laugh. This was a fun read, I always enjoy the ramblings of a mad man or someone going off the deep end. If I may, I would like to make a recommendation. I think this would benefit from having the beginning of each paragraph indented. I personally think it just makes it a little easier on the eyes. Other than that it was very entertaining. Thanks for sharing and keep it coming!
I thought this was a great piece of work. It was a great story with great characters. I thought you did a wonderful job telling the story through the eyes of a cat. I liked the occasional distracted thoughts Misty would have. The thought of cats disappearing through secret portals is certainly a clever idea. I've had a few indoor cats myself that would get lost for hours at a time. It makes me wonder just how fictitious this story of yours really is. I really enjoyed reading this and I look forward to reading chapters 8-15. thanks for sharing your talent and imagination. Please keep writing!
I thought this story was very well written. It had a good flow to it. I did feel the beginning that it went on a little too much about the details of the house. I personally (just my opinion) find it easier to take in descriptions in smaller doses weaved throughout a tale. Other than that I really liked it. I am curious to find out more about what went on in Austin and I do hope for further chapters. Thank you for sharing and keep it coming!
I found this to be an potentially interesting tale so far. I did however have a hard time finding the flow. Erratic may be the word I'm looking for. But, then again it was an intense scene with lots of chaos. Was that the intention? I also felt a little bogged down by details of surroundings and not enough about the character. Overall it was pretty good and I would like to read on. Thanks for sharing and keep it coming.
Wow! I really enjoyed this. I thought you did an amazing job on this! I found myself glued to this, hoping against hope that this poor boy would succeed. Even though I figured he was going to get mangled I still held onto the hope that the writer would cut him a break and make it a small injury. I liked the main character and could relate to his opinion of sports. Having been more on the artistic side rather than the athletic myself. I found myself enraged with the father, I even wanted to smash a brick on his head. I think you're a brilliant writer and very good at bringing the reader into the story. Please keep doing what you do best! Thanks for sharing it with us out here in reading land!
I don't really have any good advice. I thought it was a really great story. Well written and I love the new version of "t'was the night before Christmas "!I. honestly can't come up with anything that would improve this. Thanks for sharing. Please keep them coming.
I really enjoyed this. I thought it had a nice flow to it. The whole nightmare is a reality concept always sends a few shivers down my spine.You might want to double check the first stanza though, I notices a couple of mistakes.The first was "whyhe's" should read "why he's" and "open" should be "opened". Other than those little typos I thought it was great! So, keep writing and thanks for sharing.
It was a good little read. I liked the concept but, I strongly suggest the use of a spelling check. In the first paragraph everybody should be everybody's. Ridicules. Should be ridiculous. In the second paragraph if it's mean I think is supposed to read if it means.there are more. I recommend triple even quadruple checking anything before posting it. It will open you up to more readers. Some people won't even look past the spelling. I did and I'm glad I did because I did enjoy it I see great potential just so long as you utilize a few writing tools. Hope this helps. Write on!
WOW! This was an amazing story. I loved it. I liked the way it unraveled. I thought you did a great job at introducing the character. I thought you did a great job on describing the setting without diverting from the story or slowing down the pace. I liked the way the story started at one point and came full circle back to point a. It was a great tale I had some good laughs. It's an all around good read. I thank you for sharing and crave more in the future.
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