I have read so few rhyming poems today, I am really glad to have found this one. It's certainly passionate as I think a rhyming poem should be. There really is something rather beautiful about this. I especially like the line: "A crescendo of moans fills the air".
The only thing that is bugging me about this is the like: "Embers still burn within their souls" - its a great line, don't get me wrong, but I don't know if the 'still' really works there. I think if you take it out it wouldn't take anything out of the poem.
Again, a great little poem. It's really pretty clever how you have managed to say so much with so few words. There certainly isn't anything I would change with this poem, I think it's great the way it is. Write on XXX
Who doesn't want to be like this sometimes? The best part is the first stanza I think as it really sets it all in motion, I wonder if it would do any harm to have it repeated (or simiular) at the end again, just to reiterate the idea of being a worrier (Just a suggestion).
I really did enjoy this poem, its modern, passionate and paints a really good picture of what's inside an everyday woman. I'm not sure if this is leaning towards a feminist poem? Anyway, thanks for sharing and write on! XXX
The atmostphere that this piece creates is awsome, I love the alternating rhyme - I use it a lot myself. What's funny is that it reminds me of a friend of mine who used to walk 2 extra miles home (from work) just to avoid walking through a graveyard at night.
There is just one thing that I think you should work on here: "That ghoul I dare not see"
It's an alright line, but I just think that it could be something better. The rest of the poem is quite potent and hard-hitting and I just think that this a little weak. But otherwise a really great read
This is so effective for it's fantastic creepiness... not scariness - much worse than scariness - just creepiness... I really enjoyed this and thanks for sharing XXX
It's odd because you kind of know why he does it, its human nature right? Anyway, a very good read.
The only thing that I'm not convinced at is the dialouge, not that it doesn't get the message across, I'm just not sure they would have spoken like that in 1699... But this is probably just me and it's only my opinion. Its still a very good story, well done
M
XXX
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