Note: This is just my opinion and I mean no offense by it.
Rhyme: This poem had beautiful rhyme throughout the entire piece. Well done!
Flow: Great flow! No snags that I could see.
Spelling: No problems here
ImageryAwesome imagery! My favorite lines were:
"One verbal slice of the knife
Another failed attempt at life
Bottomless eyes with a sinister gleam
Calculating the next cold, evil scheme"
Overall: I thought this poem was nicely written. I enjoyed reading it.
Suggestions: I would suggest maybe adding some more puctuation.
Note: This is just my opinion and I mean no offense by it.
Imagery: Great imagery! My favorite lines were: "I scream to end the silence
But no sound escapes my lungs
I weap for peace
But it never comes"
Spelling: In the second stanza, third line, "sainity" should be "sanity".
Punctuation: Since this is poetry, there really isn't a "right or wrong", however, I do believe that adding a bit more punctuation would improve the poem's rythm. Alhtough, as the author, it is your right to disagree.
Overall: I loved this poem, it had great flow and expresses the feeling of angry hopelessness really well.
Note: This is just my opinion and I mean no offense by it.
Dialog: I thought the dialog was really good. It flowed along smoothly, and there weren't and words that felt repetative. However, There were a few times when Anouk and Bindi were talking back and forth with their minds, that I was a little confused as to who was saying what.
Imagery/Descriptions: Very nice.
Overall: I loved this! The idea for racing giant serpants is just brilliant. I will, say, I was a little confused with some of the terms, like "I lit my indigo" and "unamenti", but then I saw your authors note, so I really don't have any complaints about this story at all. It was a great read, the action at the end was awesome. Great job!!
Note: this is just my oppinion and I mean no offense by it.
Rythm: Great Rythm!
Flow: Beautiful.
Spelling an Punctuation: Both Perfect!
Overall: I loved this poem so much. It had a beautiful rythm to it. My favorite lines were:
"Daily I am alive,
Breathing just to survive.
This torment consumes me.
In misery, I thrive.
Of pleasure, I deprive." The rythm there was my fav. It just flowed so smoothly and had a great beat.
Note: This is just my oppinion and I mean no offense by it.
Imagery: Awesome imagery! My favorite lines were:
"Yet in the spot it forced the earth to bleed
A garden now emerges filled with life."
Rythm: Nice rythm, although it would be easier to see with more punctuation. (see suggestions)
Spelling and Punctuation: Spelling was perfect as far as I could tell, for punctuation, see suggestions.
Overall: Great poem with beautiful imagery! It had a nice flow and wengt along smoothly. I really enjoyed reading it.
Suggestions: In my oppinion, at the end of each line that doesn't have a period, there should be a comma. Just to set off the rythm and make it easier to read. But of course, the lack of punctuation could be intentional, therefore disregard the suggestion.
Note: this is just my oppinion and I mean no offense by it. Take from it what you want, and ignore the rest.
First of all, wow. That was so heartbraking. And wonerfully written. Nice job! The story had a nice flow to it, and the emotion was great. The story was so believable that I felt as if I were sitting in the classroom myself. There were a few grammatical errors that jumped out at me, but very few.
When I read the first paragraph, I was a little confused. At first I thought that it was being narrated in third person, then when you go on to write " I tried as she did;" I was rather lost. Maybe I'm just slow, but I think in the beggining you should put something like, ' I silenlty watched as Terry tried very hard to hold back her tears' or something that will let the reader know that it's being told in first person.
Also, when you wrote 'Where you stood in the strict observations in the 'upper' ninth grade class was determined by what you wore'
I would change that to ' Where the strict obbservations of what you wore determined where you stood in the "upper" ninth grade class.'
For the sake of clarity.
Where you write, ' I think, but did nothing.' I would change that to, ' I think, but do nothing.' To keep the tense the same.
Lastly, I would change, ' Dana was one the branded undesirables' to ' Dana was also unfortunate enough to be branded undesirable' and then add a comma after undesirable.
It was a great story, and I hope this review was helpful.
Note: this is just my oppinion and I mean no offense by it.
Great poem! The imagery was clear and easy to understand. I had no trouble picturing the scenes that were being described. I really enjoyed reading it.
Suggestions:
At the end of the ninth line, I would put a period.
In the next line, I would put ' The thorns did not seem to hurt her' instead of 'And the thorns did not seem to hurt her'.
The line 'Finally, she caught up' needs a period at the end. (in my oppinion)
Lastly, the lines 'She catches thier eyes first,
She preens in the attention,'
I would maybe change it to 'All eyes on her,
Preening in attention,' But again, this is just my oppinion.
I really liked this poem. It had a nice rythm, and the fact that it rhymes nicely is a bonus. Great imagery. Spelling and punctuation was really good. Overall: Great poem! I enjoyed reading it. Keep Writing!!
Note: This is just my oppinion and I mean no offense by it.
Imagery: The imagery was awesome!!
Spelling and Punctuation: Spelling was great! Puntuation had a few minor mistakes, but otherwise perfect.
Flow/rythm: The flow was nice, and I really liked the rythm.
Overall: I really loved this poem!! It was so beautiful, and the imagery was brilliant.
Suggestions: In the Second line " Where gulls herd to a plight" is 'herd' supposed to mean 'hearing' or herd as in 'flocking'?
Third line needs a comma at the end.
Line six needs either a comma or period at the end.
In Line eight you wrote: " Where elegance was so naive as I could imagine" I would change 'so' to 'as'. So that it would read " Where elegance was as naive as I could imagine"
Note: This is just my oppinion and I mean no offense by it.
Spelling and Punctuation: Spelling is perfect, for punctuation I would add commas after each line, otherwise the reader will just keep reading after every line and it will throw off your rythm. But it is your poem, and if that's the rythm you want, then that's fine, all poetry differant.
Imagery: The imagery was great. Nice job!
Rhyme: I liked the rhyme scheme.
Overall: I really liked this poem, the imagery was very clear, the reader could emediatly see what you were describing.
Suggestions: Put in more punctuation. Otherwise, doesn't need anything else. =)
Note: This is just my oppinion and I mean no offense by it.
Spelling and Punctuation: Perfect!
Imagery: The imagery was amazing! I especially liked the lines "My arms chained to iron bars of cold and tears." and "I'm restricted in the valley of damp reasoning"
Rythm: It didn't really have a definate rythm or rhyme scheme, but honestly, I think it works really well the way it is.
Overall: Wonderful poem full of great imagery and emotion.
I liked this poem a lot! It had a really nice rhyming scheme, and Spelling and punctuation was great as far as I could tell. I have no complaints! Great poem!!!
AWESOME!! I love all the clear images and use of descriptve adjectives! The rythm is great, and I like the fact that it rhymes.I wrote a poem for that contest, but I couldn't meet the line requirement.=(
Probably for the best though, you would have creamed me.
Great poem!!!
Below is just my opinion and I mean no offense by it.
I think you might need to change the rating for this one. It is definetaly not an E rated poem. Some people might not want to read that kind of language. I am not , however, booing your poem. I think you really got your point across and painted a picture of being angry and hurt in a swift, raw manner. intsead of fluffing it up and making a long flowery poem. Plus the spelling and punctuation was good.
What a great poem!
I love fantasy poems like this, it was really enjoyable to read. Plus, I like the fact that it rhymes. It gives it a more whimsical feel. But what I liked most about it was the fact that it was whimsical, but also mysterious. And the imagery was great! It was a magical poem and I loved it!
BookieMonster
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