Great poll for all us Harry Potter geeks! I love the series and can't wait till Saturday! I'm buying it first thing in the morning and I'm to try to finish it before the weekends over and I have to go back to work...
What an eloquent way of putting it! You're right, abuse is around in so many ways today. Everyone abuses someone in ways you have mentioned, sadly, even I! We are all-together very selfish people, and it takes strong voices like yours to make us more mindful of our words and deeds.
I happen to be an atheist, which means I don't believe in god, but the message of your article is one for everybody. Our current society really needs people to be more loving towards one another.
Wonderfully well-written and suspensful. You tell the story of a man who has an insane yet captiviating voice. I like the way he talks about his gospel, and how they would drink coffee.
Only suggestion I can make is to put more space between the paragraphs: it would be more readable that way.
First, let me just say that if you really felt like this, and you were cutting at any point in your life, I really hope you've gotten help and everything is OK now...
WHAT I LIKED
--This poem was eerily sad, just the emotion you were going for. It drew me in and never lost any of its power or sadness.
--The rhymes and rhythm were perfect.
SUGGESTIONS
--In the 5th stanza: "Is it possible to be TO friendly?"
Change: "too"
I totally agree with you- I don't like the war in Iraq either. I think this poem could be improved, though:
1. We didn't push our religion upon them, at all. Sure, we made a big mess up there and our soldiers treat the citizens badly... but we don't make them our religion. (What exactly IS our religion, by the way? Christianity? May I remind you that we are living in a land where church and state are seperated)
2. You mis-spelled whisper on line three.
I guess that's about it... you might want to consider adding punctuation and capitilization. It would improve the formating of the poem.
I'm not sure I quite got the point of this story, although it is pretty well-written.
WHAT I LIKED
--The writing style at the beginning. It was very descriptive, especially the part about "the doors groaning open" and "the weary bus" Also the part about the man searching for a window's seat. I felt like I was inside of the bus myself.
WHAT I THOUGHT COULD BE IMPROVED:
--As I said earlier, I didn't quite understand what was so wise about the old man. When the story ended, I expected some sort of closure, but got none. It felt like nothing had happened in this story. It seems more of a description then a story to me, anyway. Maybe I'm just missing the point.
--If the point was: "Maybe it's better not to know how things turn out." then I felt the point itself was never made or proven in the story. I didn't really sense any change in the main character, and in fact, I never even felt I got to really know the main character before it was all over.
--Also, at a few points in the story, you didn't capitilize your "i"s.
OVERALL:
Maybe if you continued this story longer, and gave it some closure, and helped the reader truly recognize the importance of what the old man said, then the writing style would finally have a great plot to back it up.
Very beautiful poem. I love your use of language, each word contributes to the feeling of the poem, the description, yet it flows smoothly. It's not just for children!
This is a wonderful story! I'm not usually into reading romance stories, but yours had a great sense of humor with it, and it just felt so real! It's one of those stories which keeps your attention from the beginning till the end. I almost forgot this was fiction by the time I had finished it. The voice is great; I especially like the description in the second paragraph: "I'm the woman in the power suit...." It got me hooked straight away.
Great poll! It was hard to answer though, because I became an athiest a few years ago. Up untill then, I believed the religion I was taught (Judaism)
So this is my answer: I would believe the religion they taught me, but I would become an athiest anyway! (Because deciding whether you believe in God or not isn't exactly the same thing as believing in Christ rather then Buddha.)
IF I weren't an atheist, I definately would have just stayed the religion I was taught. That's what happens to most people, isn't it?
I love what you wrote, everything you said is so true. All dogs need loving care or else they'll just be the "bad" dog no one wants. You write very eloquently. I hope that people planning to buy a puppy see this and realize what they are getting themselves into.
Woa! There's a LOT of variation in these answers. (And what does it mean: The End times? Lebbannon vs. Israel signifies the apocolypse?)
I can't believe people don't understand: HEZBOLLAH IS A TERRORIST ORGINIZATION. Why should Israel be "overreacting"? They're defending themselves, and if innocent lives are hurt in the process... well, if they don't defend themsevles, more Israeli innocent lives will be lost. I am very pro-Israel, and it always bothers me when the rest of the world keeps asking Israel to stop "disproportionate" responses.
Sorry about that whole rant thing- its a really great poll.
This is really sad...the dramatic transitions from skinning your knee to dying... you did a really good job with this one. The constant repitition of "Mommy kissed it better." gave it a rythem, and yet ominious how is kept changing to "Mommy tried to kiss it better."
It didn't seem choppy to me at all. However the word "choppy" and "not flowing" are my critic's favorite words. There are always those who say my writing style doesn't flow... even if most give good reviews. So don't trust me, I am an expert and not flowing.
Personally, I really love this poem. You used ryhme, rythem, repitition, and sad transitions to help create a mood. This beautiful poem tells the story so well...
The ending seemed a little flat, though. This is just my opinion, it's great as it is, but I felt that something like: "When your soul went to its home, Mommy cried because she couldn't kiss you better." Or something. "Mommy knew you felt better" didn't really had the affect on me, I don't think.
Short (as Haikus must be) but is really beautiful. I like the imagry you use to convey lonelieness. However, you start of with: "wind howls" and change to "moon shone" I suggest you change "shone" to "shines", so it stays in present tense.
Oh, I just wished all those racists out there would understand what you're trying to say. I'm White and Jewish living in Baltimore. Right now, I'm looking at a bunch of different schools in the city and I noticed something. Most of the people were African American (this doesn't bother me at all) and the few people shadowing who were White usually tended to stick together. I took a babysitting class a couple years ago where ALL the White kids ate a one table and ALL the Black kids sat at another. Each of us beared no ill-will against the others, we just felt more comfortable with those of our own race.
That's the thing that has to be overcome, in my opinion. We don't like feeling different, or hanging out with people who aren't like us. That's one of the reasons my parents want me to go to school in the city, where I'll be a minority, but honestly, I don't judge schools based on the color of the studnent's skin. One of my best friends is half Black, half White- and it doesn't bother her at all. Of course, she's the only African American at our Jewish private school, but we grew up with each other, since kindergarden even, the same 42 kids or so. I always wondered what she felt like, but it didn't really matter when there are so few of us.
Anyway, I thought this was really eloquently written, and because it sounds like racism is prominent in your life, I admire you for going through with marrying the one you love. I honestly don't feel any shock when I see a Black person dating a White person, but maybe that's just because of where I live. (So many African Americans and Jews in Baltimore that there really is no minority anywhere)
I really don't understand people who could rate themselves 5 or 1 stars without not meaning what they say!! I thought this was an interesting poll, good idea!
I think it all depends on the kid. I don't have a learning disabiltity, so I'm not sure how I'd react. I think I'd probably feel singled out, but I think that the people who join would join because they want to meet people like them and share their stories. All in all, it sounds like a good idea but not everyone would want to join.
I loved the way it was made out to be serious in the very beginning before introducing us Jeffery. I smiled as I read this, remembering the fantasies in my bedroom, when I was a little girl, and how my brother acts now. The ending is very cute, along with the creative name for the monsters.
I'm not quite sure why the ants were so friendly to him after he chased them from under the bed earlier and then asked which one would die...but it is a little boys game.
The beginning to a captivating story. I'll definately read the next installemnt! You introduced the main character very well, making us symapthize with him even though he's a theif. The descriptions are very interesting and complete as well, without holding back the story. I like the twist at the end when we find out he's going to die if he doesn't find some way to escape. Those were the many good points.
Here are my moans and groans and nittpickings:
You use the phrase "heavily accented" many times- the story would flow better if you found another way to say this.
You also use the word "beautiful" to describe the both Kara and her clothes, in the same paragraph- (the one beginning "the sultan called out in his peculiar language..."
Other then that, it was great- try and keep the next chapters as good as this first!
This is so cute, it really brought a smile to my face. The last ryhme doesn't seem to flow right, though: "I love you sweetie, she says to me, even when you're so silly." Other then that, it flowed perfectly. I'm not that good a children's writer, but I love kids and I can honestly see a mother reading this to her child.
Ah, the mishaps of childhood. This story was interesting, with really good description. I especially liked the paragraph that starts. "For a six year old, it was the most elegant thing imagionable..." Children often do love to feel things to get to know them. It had a neat twist at the end, too, where the thing that started out as something loved becomes something painful.
This is an interesting story which proves a very true point. I liked the analogy of oil and water that kept coming up in the story. However, the long descriptions of things you like and don't like got pretty boring. I suggest shortening it, or adding a scene where these things are revealed in more creative ways then just saying: I like this, she liked that.
This is a pretty good poem, but I think its lacking something to make us connect with the boy. Maybe if you expanded it a little to let us learn more and emphisize with the boy, it'll improve it. I really liked the ending. The joy of toys and childhood, once lost, can never be found.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bookworm64
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.09 seconds at 2:03am on Nov 26, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
Great poll!
The voice is great; I especially like the description in the second paragraph: "I'm the woman in the power suit...." It got me hooked straight away.