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Review of Self  Open in new Window.
Review by Brenny Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Great imagery. I especially like the vision of painting the walls yellow to fit an old dress shining through your memory like a sunflower. That definitely paints an interesting picture in the reader's mind (hey, I had a yellow sundress just like that a hundred years ago!).

You describe this as a short poem, but I think it would lend itself very well to a longer version expanding on your self-portrait and insight of yourself.

Very nice!
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Review of The Longing  Open in new Window.
Review by Brenny Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Expressive and well written with good rhyme pattern. This was a very enjoyable read.

The only things which I might change would possibly be in second stanza: the use of "dark" twice in the same line, perhaps changing first "dark" to "bright" or something along that line just to add a bit of variety.

Third stanza, second line: Add "me" so it reads "it makes me laugh."

I would capitalize first word in each stanza if previous stanza ended with a period; i.e., "Take" in fifth stanza and put period at the end of that stanza as it is a complete sentence.

Capitalize "Now" in last stanza and definitely end the poem with a question mark at the end of your last stanza as it is a very important question you are asking yourself and I feel the most important part of your poem.

I hope I don't sound nitpicky. I was a proofreader for so many years, punctuation, etc, always jumps out at me; and I think these simple changes would really enhance your pretty poem. And it's a keeper!
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