Good poem. I see where your coming from. but I don't need to see the chimeras of the intangible to believe in something beyond. All you gotta do is think about it and you'll get it. Oh, you got some spelling errors so I don't know if they were intentional or not.
Papa G
Well, I guess your shooting for ambiguity so I can't recommend more clarity on what's going on. The good is that I'm interested and intrigued. You have a dream world with subtle clues as to what has/is going on in the world you write about. However, the writing needs spice; it feels to to barren like your just telling us what is happening in a monotone voice. I'm not trying to bust on your work, I like it but try to add to it.
I liked the initial premise, however, I thought that the story was rather dull. The writing is pretty good. The characters were solid-- La Barbe was fleshed out and believable-- but the story elements were ill-concieved in my opinion. Incorporate the body of the girl, maybe she could be La Barbe's daughter or some pinnacle object of the story.
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