I am a reader and writer, just like you.
I am not an editor, and this is just my own humble point of view.
Please feel free to disagree.
Title:
The title works well with this piece.
Characters:
Being real people, and this not really a story, I would say the characters are good.
If you could put in a bit more detail, it would be useful though.
Example: Where you speak of your little brother, you could bring in 'Bouncing around, his light brown hair, flopping around on his head, and covering his blue eyes every now and then. He gets so excited.
Spelling and grammar:
In the first paragraph I think 'come' should be 'comes', it just reads better.
There are no spelling or grammar amiss I can see.
Storyline:
Being based on true life, I know this is not a story, but it is still gripping.
It would also make a great children's story, I think.
Having two daughters, I know how exciting Christmas can be, our tree comes up middle November each year. It also stays well into the new year. This piece made me smile and brought on feelings of happiness, caring and sharing.
I am a reader and writer just like you.
I am not an editor, so this is just my humble view.
Please feel free to disagree.
I found this a very interesting poem.
I read both versions of this poem in your port, and I feel this one is much better placed, but this is just my opinion.
There is not spelling or grammar mistakes I can see.
This free verse poem reads very smooth and the flow is great.
I do sense some anger in this poem as well as pain and regret.
It is a poem close to the heart and for some one who has not lost a love of intense closeness might not see more than a few words here. There is however more than meats the eye, and I feel you have done a great job in bringing it forth.
I do how ever just want to make one suggestion, if I may:
the last stanza could be changed a bit to make for even better flow, this is just they way I would have made it, but it is still your work and it works as is, just a suggestion:
Hey, you called the angels!
but, I can’t
I’ll sleep forever and
I want to hold on, hold on,
I won’t call the angels!
It is a nice poem, please keep writing and sharing.
Kind regards
I am a reader and writer just like you.
I am not an editor, so this is just my humble view.
Please feel free to disagree.
The title fits this poem well.
There is no spelling mistakes I can see.
The poem reads nice and smooth.
I have noticed that you have left out some of the comma's at "Fire water air and earth".
In the second stanza I would use: "A woman" & "And wonder".
It reads better.
I am a reader and writer just like you.
I am not an editor, so this is just my humble opinion.
Please feel free to disagree.
This is a short, but interesting piece and it holds a lot of possibility.
The title works well with this piece.
I would end paragraph one with - attract attention- and start a new paragraph with the next sentence. It helps with the flow.
In the next sentence you have - computer - I think it would be better with a S - computers -, also I think - which - should be - with-.
I was wondering if she pulled the flashlight from her purse, why was she feeling her way around, did the flashlight not work, if so, you should bring that in somewhere.
In the next sentence you have - Every phone line- maybe try - All the phone lines - it helps with the flow.
The last sentence in your first paragraph does not quiet make sense. After stairs you have a full stop, but the next word does not have a capital, and bannister should be banister.
obout - about
type rats, but mean - add the comma before but.
The owner stood in front of her, did he speak to her, did he tell her a transformer blew, was he the owner of the building or of the jacket. Maybe you could add a sentence or two here to clarify.
Overall I enjoyed this short piece, with a bit of editing, it could be great.
Thank you for sharing, keep writing.
I am a writer and reader just like you.
I am not an editor, so this is just my humble view.
Poetry is a passion to me, much like cooking, so I love it lots.
This was truly a great read, being a woman it was inspiring, funny and made me move.
The title fits the poem very well.
There is no missing spelling or grammar, all is laid out very well.
I am a writer and reader just like you.
I am not an editor, so this is just my own opinion.
Please feel free to disagree.
The title fits the poem very well.
There is some spelling mistake I can see and no grammar to fix.
In last line you have (I an falling with no one to catch me.) I think AN should be AM.
(I am falling with no one to catch me.)
Also: (the enitre gym arena is dead silent) entire is wrong.
The flow of this poem is not the same all through. The first few lines run very smooth and nice, then the poem seems to break a bit, then it runs smooth again, and another break and then smooth on the end. I don't know if it would help to make the sentences shorter, I think you should rather try to play with the words a bit.
Examples:
the entire gym arena is a dead spread
in what seems like forever streams
This is a nice poem, telling us about the author's life.
Please remember that this is only my own view and is not meant to harm or discourage you in any way.
I am a writer and reader just like you.
I am not an editor, so this is just my own opinion.
You are the only real critic for your work, please feel free to disagree.
Title:
The title fits the poem well.
Spelling & grammar:
There is no mishaps I can see.
Rhyme and flow:
This poem reads very smooth and has a nice rhyme pattern.
Just one suggestion:
Mom and Calm does not quiet rhyme, change calm to becalm.
It means the same, but for some reason it also rhymes.
Emotions:
This is a piece of art straight from the heart. It is filled with a lot of love, care and tenderness.
Overall:
Being a mother of two myself, this poem moved me from deep inside and I could feel the deep attachment to my children. It is laid out very well and a truly great read.
Thank you for sharing.
Write on...
Kind regards...
I am a writer and reader just like you. I am not an editor, so this is just my humble thoughts. You are the only true critic for your own art.
Title:
The title fits this piece perfectly.
Characters:
The characters are very well described and being a mother myself, I can put myself into the narrator's shoes.
Setting:
The setting is also perfectly set of us to create a very vivid picture of the little girl sitting in the window.
Flow:
The flow of the piece could maybe use a bit of change. There were a few places I kinda stumbled.
Example:
“And Daddy, when we go to church on Sunday. Mommy talks with Miss Cross a long time. You remember her. She’s the minister’s wife. I heard her tell Mommy that she prays for you every night. Isn’t that nice? I pray for you every night too, Daddy. I pray that you’ll come home soon.
Mommy told me that you are never coming home, that you went to live in Heaven. I learned about Heaven in Sunday school. Is it as nice as Miss Cross says it is? Do you know any angels?”
A slight smile crossed her face. “I remember you told me that I was your angel, so I know, if you meet an angel, you’ll love her a lot, just like you loved me. I still have the little glass angel you gave me. I’ll have it forever Daddy, because you gave it to me.”
Maybe make the paragraphs a bit shorter, it reads smoother, but the choice is yours.
Emotions:
Well, yes, let me just say. It took me a while to write this review, due to the fact that I battled to stop crying. I feel you really nailed the emotion in this piece. I was filled with love, laughter, heart-ache and compassion all at once. You kept the emotion right through to the end. It was fantastic. I wanted to climb into the poem and just hold both of them.
Spelling and grammar:
There is no spelling mishaps I could see and the grammar might just need a comma here and there. Some of the sentences seem a bit long and I find myself pausing where there is no comma's. Just a suggestion.
Overall:
There is not much more I can add. I just want to say that I feel you might be able to leave out some of the "Daddy"'s, they seem a bit much here and there.
It was truly an honor to read this. A piece with so much emotion and feeling, that it consumes you. Keep writing and sharing.
This review is meant to encourage and help you, and not to break you down. If you feel that you don't agree with what I said, please feel free to just ignore it.
This is my own point of view and each of us has our own unique style.
I am a writer and reader just like you. I am not an editor, so this is just my humble opinion of your work. You are the only true critic to your own art.
Title:
The title fits the poem perfectly.
Rhyme and flow:
There is no specific rhyme, and is normal for a free verse poem.
The poem reads smoothly and flows very nice.
Setting
A lot of great words is used to make a perfect setting, it makes the piece very vivid.
Emotions:
The emotions comes through very strong and at the right places.
Character:
The character is not described as such, but through the surroundings and the emotions put out so well, we can see the character.
Grammar and spelling:
There is no mishaps present.
Overall:
This is a great poem, excellent read. I felt so sorry for the old lady, and it made me think of how fortunate I am to have my own grandmother living with me. It makes us think about what they go through in their last part of their lives.
What more can I say, well done.
Keep writing and sharing.
I am a writer and reader just like you. I am not an editor, so this is just my point of view. Please feel free to disagree.
A poem is a writers own unique style, it is hard to depict. There are so many ways to write and in fact it can never really be wrong. You get different types of form, but freestyle enables a poet to play with it.
I like the layout of your poem it is soft on the eyes and makes for easy reading.
There is no specific rhyme pattern present.
I can't see any spelling or grammar mishaps, but I do have a few suggestions:
The fragrance of the ocean and golden sand,
Your footsteps so soft, but I hear you approaching.
A dozen roses rest in your hand,
And, you offered them to me...
Now I'm smiling.
Just a suggestion, the choice is your to change it or not.
It reads a bit smoother this way, but if this is your style, please don't change it.
The poem is filled with emotion and we all feel these emotions in our lives sometime.
I would say it is a well written piece, thank you for sharing.
I am a writer and reader just like you. I am not an editor, so this is just my own opinion. Please feel free to disagree.
Title:
I think the title works well for this piece.
Characters:
You describe the character's background well, we can associate with her, where she comes from and it helps us know how she is feeling. I just feel it could use a bit more detailed description of herself.
What does she look like, hair color, size, eye color, etc. It helps a reader associate more with the character if we know what she looks like. Well to me at least.
Setting and mood:
I think the setting is well laid out for us, we can imagine the kitchen, hallway, her room, etc. The mood is also good, we can associate with her feelings because of good background information.
Likes:
The first paragraph was the best for me, it makes the reader wonder about what happened or what is about to happen. It draws you into the story.
Dislikes:
The only thing I didn't like was the fact that it was too short, I was expecting more. Maybe you could add to this, it would make a good story. Maybe add some tears as she drives off, and maybe something in the house made her flee? She heard footsteps or her father's voice, calling her.
Just a few suggestions, It is your art and you make the choices.
Overall:
Thins could be a great story, not that it isn't good already.
A great read, thank you for sharing.
This review is meant to help and motivate you, not to discourage or break you down, please remember that this is just my own personal view and each of us has our own unique style.
I am a writer and reader just like you. I am not an editor, so this is just my own opinion. Please feel free to disagree.
This is an interesting piece of art.
Title:
I think the title fits the piece well.
Context:
In this short piece it tells us of how we humans all repeat previous mistakes, which is so true. Our parents always say, learn from us, but we always feel we learn out of our own mistakes. We are blind and so is each generation to come.
Flow:
This piece reads nice and smooth.
Spelling and Grammar:
There is no apparent errors I can see.
There is just a suggestions I want to make.
Errors made IN generations past
It just sounds better I think, but it's up to you.
Rhyme:
There is a nice rhyme to the poem.
Overall:
This is a nice short piece. Great descriptive words used.
I am no editor and this is just my opinion......
so feel free to disagree....
The title fits the story well.
The introduction/summary is well written, it gives a nice background on the twins.
You might try introducing them as the brother and sister, instead of a boy and a girl.
Maybe you could add a short description of the hallway, not only at the echo, but describe where they stand, the locker David's backpack struck, was it steel, silver.
were the halls tiled, white, beige, green?
Were they blond, eye color?
It helps the reader connect with the characters.
You also talk in the beginning that they never knew their parents, yet you say, Holly remembers the tune, as one her parents had sung to them?
This is a bit confusing.
There is no obvious spelling I can see, just a few suggestions:
(told Holly to unzip A small pocket.) Maybe try (told Holly to unzip THE small pocket.)
(but then she head the sound.) I think it should be HEARD.
(hallway and as Holly let out a gasp.) Maybe take out the AS. (hallway and Holly let out a gasp.)
Overall I liked the story line and it could be great.
I am no editor, so this is just my opinion, my point of view, please feel free to differ.
This is an interesting story, a witch losing her memory, never heard of before.
Great idea...
Emma sounds like a normal old person, except that she is not, she is a witch.
Usually people know it isn't love within a year or two, 80 years is a long, long time, which makes it a bit funny.
There is a few slips....
(had a crookedness about it’s setting.) I would end with (had a crookedness about it.)
In the beginning and end, you talk of a house, but in the middle you talk of a cave, this is two very different things and a bit confusing.
(Emma knew he was dead. But it wasn’t until) Maybe replace the full stop with a comma, when using BUT
(soggy grass, and pressed her fingers to his wrist, that she was certain.
On October 31st, an orange flame illuminated Emma Mathalda’s) Between these two paragraphs you might want to add something to show that a few years have passed.
Example:
(soggy grass, and pressed her fingers to his wrist, that she was certain.
**** 32 years later ****
On October 31st, an orange flame illuminated Emma Mathalda’s)
The title fits well and this story reads good.
If you could expand a bit here and there, it would be great.
I liked the ending most, where he spoke to her from inside the cauldron.
Nice descriptive writing, well done...
Write on...
Kind regards...
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