The story flows. It was descriptive and evocative.
Characters: You definately captured the voice of the characters in place and time. It made them seem real and believable.
Feelings: There was a sense of foreboding . . . a feel of "something coming." The story evoked a sense of sadness, hope, possibility, and a hint of desperation.
Favorite line: "Wisps of white steam like the ghosts of earthworms rose and vanished in seconds leaving the smell of musty promise in their wake."
Grammatical / sentence structure issues: For example, "Indiana had never seen such a dry spell for some time." You may want to re-phrase to something like: "Indiana had not seen such a dry spell for some time." There are a few other sentences that could be tweaked for coherency.
I look forward to reading the continuation, because you've made me care about these characters and have peaked my curiosity.
Stick with it!
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