Brother Nature's (brothernature) Reviews

Brother Nature

Review Requests: OFF

105 Public Reviews Given

124 Total Reviews Given

1

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14 days may be credited.

#4150569

Review of Canada Geese

Review by Brother Nature

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Judith.
My name is Joel. I go by the handle 'Brother Nature' here on Writing.com.
Brother Nature was the name of my lawn-care business, which I've retired from three years ago.

I'm joining you in the 30DBC this month, which is the reason for this review.

I chose this item because I'm Canadian,(presently living in Regina Saskatchewan) and have a fondness for nature and wildlife.

I read with interest your article on the Canada Goose. I'm a bit amused that the species was introduced by the Game Commission. It sort of proofs the warning: Be careful what you ask for.
Years ago it was rare to see even one Canada Goose within city limits, but with developers making residential communities with parks featuring small lakes, the geese moved in along with the families.

There are now massive flocks, which force people out of the park areas. One way being used to control the goose population within the cities is culling eggs prior to their hatching, although I haven't noticed any reduction in their numbers. When my children were younger they renamed one of the local parks we frequented, 'Goose Poop Park.'

Well this hasn't been much of a review of your article so far...

Your article is very well written and researched, even though I'm familiar with the subject matter, I still learned something new. I enjoyed reading it, and I'm looking forward to reading more as the month unfolds.

Good luck with the blogging challenge.

Joel

2

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14 days may be credited.

#3830533

Review of Snow

Review by Brother Nature

In affiliation with Blogging Circle of Friends

Rated: E

| (4.5)

I'm not a professional writer, just a fellow WDC member who does reviews to improve my own writing and hopefully be of service to others. Reviews of any nature are encouraging, because at the very least they confirm that, some one has read your work. All suggestions are simply my own opinion to be used or discarded as you see fit.

Hello outoftouch

I'm sending this review in respect of your new yellow case. Congratulations!!
I've selected one of your poems to review. I chose this poem because of its title, "Snow" (something I see enough of in my part of the world.) I also thought it was special because it was one of your first poems and you wrote it on Christmas Eve.

Overall Impression:

I must confess that I don't know enough about writing poetry to say what form of poetry this is, but I do know enough to recognize that it is a form or poetry. I do know how difficult it is to write a poem keeping to the demands of the form, and you did an awesome job of it. I was entertained and inspired as I enjoyed the time I spent reading your poem.

Imagery:

A peaceful snowy scene came to mind, the text appeared as a single snow flake.

Rhythm/Flow:

The rhythm and flow are consistent throughout.

Rhyme:

the first and last word rhyme as I assume is true to the form. you used strong rhymes with easy words, which makes this a delightful poem, and fun to read.

Spelling, Punctuation, and Grammar:

I looked for areas where could suggest a correction, but found none. Well done.

Suggestions and Personal Insights:

My favorite type of poems to read and write are poems that rhyme, and are uplifting, bright and cheery. Your poem was all of these. Great job. Sorry I took so long getting this over to you. I was excited for you when you were promoted. I wanted to do something special for you, but was very busy at the time. I hope this review brings back a little of the excitement I know you must have felt the day you got your bright yellow case. Congratulations!

Joel
Brother Nature
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Made in Canada

3

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#3821999

Review of Frost

Review by Brother Nature

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (4.5)

I'm not a professional writer, just a fellow WDC member, and also a member of Rising Stars, and Showering acts of Joy, who does reviews to improve my own writing and hopefully be of service to others. Reviews of any nature are encouraging, because at the very least they confirm that, some one has read your work. All suggestions are simply my own opinion to be used or discarded as you see fit.

Hi Turtle

Overall Impression:

I found this poem to be thought provoking, which always makes for an enjoyable read.

Imagery:

I swapped out imagery in my mind as I learned that alveoli branches were internal body parts and not tree parts. (That was interesting!) Then through the heart of the poem, "Cold and flu" symptoms imagery was inspired. (I don't think that is something you intended.) In the last verse you did a nice job of letting your readers' form their own impressions. My thoughts and imagery went back to the alveoli trees.

Rhythm/Flow:

I'm not that knowledgeable about forms of poetry, I think this is free form. You begin the third verse with a single syllable word. It breaks up the rhythm, but still, the poem flows well and is easy to read.

Rhyme:

N/A

Spelling, Punctuation, and Grammar:

In the first verse you may have a misplaced comma between, "Long" and "Cold."
Punctuation in poetry is sometimes a judgment call by the author. Your poem was easy to read as written. Nice work.

Suggestions and Personal Insights:

I chose to review your poem because of the title. I'm located on the Canadian Prairie, and we're in the middle of a cold winter. I enjoy reading other peoples thoughts on, "Cold." The first time I read this poem, I was tripped up with, "Alveoli branches" and thought you went on to describe cold and flu symptoms. On a second reading it all made sense. I most enjoyed your last verse.
Excellent poem.
Thank you for sharing.

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Joel
Brother Nature
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Made in Canada

4

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#3821997

Review of A Christmas of Yesteryear

Review by Brother Nature

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (4.5)

I'm not a professional writer, just a fellow WDC member, and also a member of Rising Stars, and Showering acts of Joy, who does reviews to improve my own writing and hopefully be of service to others. Reviews of any nature are encouraging, because at the very least they confirm that, some one has read your work. All suggestions are simply my own opinion to be used or discarded as you see fit.

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Hi Magoo
I set your Christmas poem aside last month so I could write a rising stars review for you.

Overall Impression:

The poem had a genuine nostalgic feel to it. It is well named. I felt the peaceful mood of the town during simpler times.

Imagery:

Each verse brought it's own imagery of a wintery, Christmas scene. Images of brightly colored twinkling lights, frozen winter landscapes, and rosey cheeked children laughing and playing to complete the scene. Norman Rockwell like scenes.

Rhythm/Flow:

Each verse had excellent rhythm, I did not go as far as counting syllables, because the flow of the poem was spot on and it read very smoothly. It would make a good to read aloud.

Rhyme:

solid rhymes, simple words, and consistent rhyming pattern make this poem successful.

Spelling, Punctuation, and Grammar:

5 stars.

Suggestions and Personal Insights:

The children from the neighborhood
brought wreaths made out of pine,
then hung them up beside the lights
with tiny bits of twine.

I enjoyed this verse, I'm not sure what it is that I liked so much about it, but I read it several times.
Nice cheery Christmas poem, congratulations, and thank you for sharing.

Joel Brother Nature
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5

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14 days may be credited.

#3771742

Review of Silent Night

Review by Brother Nature

In affiliation with

Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)

I'm not a professional writer, just a fellow WDC member, and also a member of Rising Stars, and Showering acts of Joy, who does reviews to improve my own writing and hopefully be of service to others. Reviews of any nature are encouraging, because at the very least they confirm that, some one has read your work. All suggestions are simply my own opinion to be used or discarded as you see fit.

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Hi Max

I've chosen to review one of your pieces in respect of your, "Blue Ribbon Reviewers" honor.

Overall Impression:

My interest heightened as I read, too bad this isn't part of a longer story.

Imagery:

The story inspires images of a ghostly nature, similar to the feel of, "A Christmas Carol" or "Tell Tale Heart"
Top Marks!

and

:

I liked the mood set.

I like the description of walking in the cold. It was so cold that Tim's footfalls should have squeaked as he hurried over the new-fallen snow.

Spelling, Punctuation, and Grammar:

Very well written, it was a nice read.

Suggestions and Personal Insights:

It would be interesting to see what kind of a longer story this would be. This portion could be the beginning or the ending. Perhaps two stories with this being the beginning of one and the ending of another.
Great writing, thanks for sharing.

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Member of
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Please visit my blog @ "Invalid Item"

Made in Canada

6

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#3728463

Review of Tire Swing

Review by Brother Nature

Rated: E

| (4.5)

A Review
of your submission into,
The Crazy Creative Colours Contest

I'm not a professional writer, just a fellow WDC member, and also a member of Rising Stars, and Showering acts of Joy, who does reviews to improve my own writing and hopefully be of service to others. Reviews of any nature are encouraging, because at the very least they confirm that, some one has read your work. All suggestions are simply my own opinion to be used or discarded as you see fit.

Hello Deanna

Overall Impression:

Nice free verse poem. It brought back memories of playing on the swing set in the park with my siblings.

Imagery:

I remember that "Itchy Rope" good job on bringing it back to make me clench my teeth as I read.

Poetically Speaking:

My favorite poems are those that tell a story, your free verse poem tells a wholesome story about simpler times. It's a "feel good" piece. The rhythm is good and it flows very nicely.

and

:

I loved the feel of the setting you created, everything is good it would be perfect, if it wasn't for that itchy rope.

I think you could improve the flow of this line by changing: but it itches the hands to: that itches the hands or: which itches the hands

Spelling, Punctuation, and Grammar:

Poetry seems to have a free pass on SPAG, but still, I found it interesting that you used two commas in your poem. I'm not saying it is right or wrong, just interesting.

Suggestions and Personal Insights:

Congratulations on your Honorable Mention.
Thank you, for sharing this poem in our contest, Deanna.
I hope you will enter something in July as well. You are entitled to GP just for entering.

Joel Brother Nature

Member of
The Showering acts of Joy Group "Invalid Item"

Co-Host with Fi

of:"Invalid Item"

Rising Stars "Retired Founder, Rising Stars Program"

I'm docked at "Talent Pond Blog Harbor MOVED TO 1700829" , a safe port for bloggers to connect.

Please visit my blog @ "Invalid Item"

Made in Canada

7

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#3728428

Review of Tough Goodbye

Review by Brother Nature

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

A Review
of your submission into,
The Crazy Creative Colours Contest

I'm not a professional writer, just a fellow WDC member, and also a member of Rising Stars, and Showering acts of Joy, who does reviews to improve my own writing and hopefully be of service to others. Reviews of any nature are encouraging, because at the very least they confirm that, some one has read your work. All suggestions are simply my own opinion to be used or discarded as you see fit.

Hello Bikerider

Overall Impression:

This story has a "Steamy Romance" feel to it. Even though this isn't my first choice in genres, your story is well written and held my interest as I read.

Imagery:

Strong insights into your characters thoughts and excellent descriptive writing really brought this story to life. Well done.

:

I related to your character, Greg. I found myself cheering him on, hoping things would work out for him in the end.

Spelling, Punctuation, and Grammar:

Your story is very well written and easy to read. I found no fault with your writng.

Suggestions and Personal Insights:

I was looking for a creative twist or two in your story, but everything was pretty much typical of a short romance story. The story is very well written and told, but lacks slightly as far as creativity is concerned. Congratulations on a well deserved Honorable Mention, I hope you will share an entry in our contest in July.

Joel
Brother Nature

Member of
The Showering acts of Joy Group "Invalid Item"

Co-Host with Fi

of:"Invalid Item"

Rising Stars "Retired Founder, Rising Stars Program"

I'm docked at "Talent Pond Blog Harbor MOVED TO 1700829" , a safe port for bloggers to connect.

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Made in Canada

8

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14 days may be credited.

#3721584

Review of In the Midst of Peace

Review by Brother Nature

Rated: E

| (4.0)

A Review
of your submission into,
The Crazy Creative Colours Contest

I'm not a professional writer, just a fellow WDC member, and also a member of Rising Stars, and Showering acts of Joy, who does reviews to improve my own writing and hopefully be of service to others. Reviews of any nature are encouraging, because at the very least they confirm that, some one has read your work. All suggestions are simply my own opinion to be used or discarded as you see fit.

Hi Deanna
Thank you for submitting an entry into the May round of The Crazy Creative Colours Contest

Overall Impression:

This was a very enjoyable read. Rhyming poetry is my favorite. I think another verse or two would fill out this poem nicely. I understand it's described as a short poem, but it left me wanting more.

Imagery:

By the time I read your last two lines, I was standing on a sandy beach looking out on the vast horizon of the ocean. Nice imagery!

Poetically Speaking:

The rhythm is good but I had to read the poem a few times before it rolled out smoothly. (That's just me, though.)
The rhyming is good, you used creative rhymes in the first verse and then used strong, easy rhymes in the second verse. That worked for me, I like it!

and

:

My favorite part -

A vastness so far, yet so near;
its greatness wearing all my woes.

These lines inspired imagery of, "Standing before the ocean and being in awe of it's enormousness."

An area I saw an opportunity for improvement is here:

Warm winds whisper into my ear.

I think there could be some creative descriptions or expressions in reference to, "The Warm Winds."

Warm winds whisper, gently and clear.

Spelling, Punctuation, and Grammar:

Five stars!!

Suggestions and Personal Insights:

I liked the imagery your poem inspired, there is sense of peace and tranquility in you poem. I hope you share another entry into our contest in June.

Joel
Brother Nature

Member of
The Showering acts of Joy Group "Invalid Item"

Co-Host with Fi

of:"Invalid Item"

Rising Stars "Retired Founder, Rising Stars Program"

I'm docked at "Talent Pond Blog Harbor MOVED TO 1700829" , a safe port for bloggers to connect.

Please visit my blog @ "Invalid Item"

Made in Canada

9

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14 days may be credited.

#3713403

Review of NO TIME

Review by Brother Nature

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (4.5)

I'm not a professional writer, just a fellow WDC member, and also a member of Rising Stars, and Showering acts of Joy, who does reviews to improve my own writing and hopefully be of service to others. Reviews of any nature are encouraging, because at the very least they confirm that, some one has read your work. All suggestions are simply my own opinion to be used or discarded as you see fit.

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Hello Deanna
The title of your poem attracted me to read it, while visiting your port. No Time, is the title of one of my favorite songs by the band The Guess Who. I also find myself writing about, "the time" in my blog entries.
I love your WDC handle, and I'd love to hear the story of, "how you came up with that name," sometime.

Overall Impression:

Another reason I chose to read this poem is, because I'm interested in learning more about poetry and writing poetry. Adding the description of a Nonet to your poem definitely adds value to the overall product. Not only did I enjoy experiencing your Nonet, I learned something about writing, as well as reviewing poetry.

Imagery:

I felt stressed, that anxious feeling you get when you're late and panic begins to set in. The time ticked away as did the syllables until there was just one left, and the poem ended with that, right on time.

Rhythm/Flow:

The rhythm and flow are true to form. It is interesting that you break up sentences to make up the lines of the poem with the allotted syllables count per line. I like your first two lines very much, I wouldn't change them, but it's unfortunate that those two lines end with "Days" and "Day." It gave the poem an awkward beginning. I felt it was a weak rhyme, but then the rest of the poem did not follow a rhyme pattern. It just seemed odd to me, I thought of ways to change it, but I like those lines the way they are written. It just seemed awkward to me, but it has to be that way.

Rhyme:

Except for "Days" and "Day" which I already mentioned, there was no rhyme pattern.

Spelling, Punctuation, and Grammar:

Time seems to go by so fast these days,
Running an errand takes all day.
These first two lines are complete sentences and can be separated by a period, or if they are separated by a comma then running does not need to be capitalized.

Suggestions and Personal Insights:

I think it might be fun to take another look at your poem and to write a rhyming version of it.
My favorite line is...As soon as I wake up, I’m getting ready for bed.
It justifies the title of the poem, and states clearly that, there is No Time!

Joel aka Brother Nature

Member of
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Rising Stars "Retired Founder, Rising Stars Program"

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10

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#3705216

Review of Following the Rainbow

Review by Brother Nature

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Yera
I spent a few minutes reading some of the entries in your port and came across this very entertaining and creative poem of yours.
It is very well written and is full of life and energy. The imagery it inspired gave me the feeling of flying across the ocean following an entity and leaving my home and my comfort zone far behind. I was fearless and only looking to a future of adventure and rewards. You used strong rhymes through out and the rthym was spot on. The first verse blew me away, for lack of a better expression. I read it three times before I could go on and read the other verses. This is a great poem.
There is nothing I can suggest that would improve this this poem. It is perfect as is.
Bravo
I'm glad I found it, thank you for sharing it here.
Respectfully
Joel aka Brother Nature

11

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#3700095

Review of SWEPT AWAY

Review by Brother Nature

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (5.0)

I'm not a professional writer, just a fellow WDC member, and also a member of Rising Stars, and Showering acts of Joy, who does reviews to improve my own writing and hopefully be of service to others. Reviews of any nature are encouraging, because at the very least they confirm that, some one has read your work. All suggestions are simply my own opinion to be used or discarded as you see fit.

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Hi Sherri

It's an honor and pleasure for me to review this incredible poetic work from your port.

Overall Impression:

This is my favorite form of poetry to read. I very much liked reading this poem. I like the rhyming pattern, and the story which unfolds with-in it.
I like that this poem packs a punch in five verses. The length of a poem I think is important the enjoyment of it. Truly a work of art by a talented and skilled writer.

Imagery:

Young love, new love, romance, desire, a little bit of sex, then the cold shower of reality. (sometimes love goes stale)

Rhythm/Flow:

You hit all the marks in every verse. This poem read and flowed extremely well.

Rhyme:

Great, strong rhymes in every verse. Again... this is my favorite type of poem.

Spelling, Punctuation, and Grammar:

100%

Suggestions and Personal Insights:

Sorry Sheri. I have nothing for you here. I can't offer a single suggestion that would help to improve this piece. I especially enjoyed the opening verse. It reminded me of the verse that began each episode of "The Hilarious House of Frightenstien" The opening verse draws the reader in and the rest of the poem flows like milk and honey. It's pretty close to perfect as far as my knowledge of poetry permits me to critique. A glowing review of a very enjoyable read, is all I have for you today. Thank you for sharing your talent for writing with us.
Peace and Love

Joel aka Brother Nature

Member of
The Showering acts of Joy Group "Invalid Item"

Rising Stars "Retired Founder, Rising Stars Program"

Please visit my blog @ "Invalid Item"

Made in Canada

12

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#3687441

Review of Life's a Circus

Review by Brother Nature

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

I'm not a professional writer, just a fellow WDC member who does reviews to improve my own writing and hopefully be of service to others. Reviews of any nature are encouraging, because at the very least they confirm that, some one has read your work. All suggestions are simply my own opinion to be used or discarded as you see fit.

This review is for The Showering acts of Joy Group.

"Invalid Item"

Hello Mage

Overall Impression:

Interesting characters and setting. I felt I needed more background into your characters. It was a bit like walking in at the middle of a movie. A pretty good piece, definitely could be expanded on.

Imagery:

This was my favorite line and it inspired very cool imagery.
He rode the ferris wheel, which morphed ever so slightly as it took him up. He added a very unferris-like twist as it picked up speed. Kids were soon buying tickets like they were going out of style.
I enjoyed your description of the carnival like atmosphere

and

:

Some dialog was written in an Olde English style, but it vanished towards the middle of the piece. It was sort of odd, I thought.
The setting and your characters lend themselves well to a multitude of short stories. It's a good concept for a series.

Spelling, Punctuation, and Grammar:

The dwarf in a too too tu-tu
but they were turning into spears, trapping here. her
lustrous blonde haired hair

Some of the dialog was difficult to follow, who was talking and what they were talking about was not always clear.

Suggestions and Personal Insights:

I think the story might have a bit better flow if the reader were given a little bit more history on the characters and their past relationship/s.
Maybe with a prequel and subsequent chapters added this could be a pretty good series. Think of all the twists you could incorporate.
Thank you for sharing.

Joel aka Brother Nature

Member of
The Showering acts of Joy Group "Invalid Item"

Rising Stars "Retired Founder, Rising Stars Program"

Please visit my blog @ "Invalid Item"

Made in Canada

13

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#3687412

Review of The Ambivalent Spoon

Review by Brother Nature

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

I'm not a professional writer, just a fellow WDC member who does reviews to improve my own writing and hopefully be of service to others. Reviews of any nature are encouraging, because at the very least they confirm that, some one has read your work. All suggestions are simply my own opinion to be used or discarded as you see fit.

This review is for The Showering acts of Joy Group.

"Invalid Item"

Hello Sapphire Aude

Overall Impression:

You have a unique style of writing, your word choice and the way you weave unlikely word mates together to convey a logical idea is addictive. Great stuff!

Imagery:

You paint a colorful detailed picture in your writing, added to my imagination bring to life some vivid imagery.

and

:

I love the welcoming tone of your entries and how they pull the reader in right from the first few words. My favorite entry is "Doors" I like that abstract, high as a kite feel.

Spelling, Punctuation, and Grammar:

never noticed anything worth reporting to the grammar police. Your writing is very nice to read.

Suggestions and Personal Insights:

I would love it if you would join us in April's "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS"

. I definitely would be a fan. Awesome journal!

Joel aka Brother Nature

Member of
The Showering acts of Joy Group "Invalid Item"

Rising Stars "Retired Founder, Rising Stars Program"

Please visit my blog @ "Invalid Item"

Made in Canada

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#3683768

Review of Rachel’s Coffee Mug

Review by Brother Nature

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

I'm not a professional writer, just a fellow WDC member who does reviews to improve my own writing and hopefully be of service to others. Reviews of any nature are encouraging, because at the very least they confirm that, some one has read your work. All suggestions are simply my own opinion to be used or discarded as you see fit.

This review is for The Showering acts of Joy Group.

"Invalid Item"

Hello Prosperous Snow

Overall Impression:

The title intrigued me, I had to find out what it was all about. My curiosity was peaked from beginning to end. I enjoy stories written from the perspective of inanimate objects. This was a pretty good story, I wondered through-out where you were going with this. Your ending leaves the reader wondering, makes one think, and adds to the enjoyment of the read. Nicely done!

Imagery:

You described how the mug felt from the time it was taken out of the cupboard. I imagined how it must of felt to be in that cupboard. (alone and dark). I was happy that you touched on that later in the story. Good imagery.

and

:

I liked the pace of the story, and the the mystery around what the mug has to say. I liked your use of song lyrics. You made it simple with the first one and then used one that I would not have caught if it were not for the simplicity of your first song.

Spelling, Punctuation, and Grammar:

I only wish I could write as well as you do. I never find errors in your work.
Awesome writing!

Suggestions and Personal Insights:

Cool story Snow, Now I have the song, "We'll sing in the sunshine" stuck in my head...

and I'll be on my way

Joel aka Brother Nature

Member of
The Showering acts of Joy Group "Invalid Item"

Rising Stars "Retired Founder, Rising Stars Program"

Please visit my blog @ "Invalid Item"

Made in Canada

15

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#3674308

Review of Legacy

Review by Brother Nature

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

I'm not a professional writer, just a fellow WDC member who does reviews to improve my own writing and hopefully be of service to others. Reviews of any nature are encouraging, because at the very least they confirm that, some one has read your work. All suggestions are simply my own opinion to be used or discarded as you see fit.

This review is for The Showering acts of Joy Group.

"Invalid Item"

Hello hunterMoon

Overall Impression:

Your poem is well structured and well written. It packs some strong emotion, and inspired thoughts and questions into the meanings of loss and love. Very inspirational and moving.

Spelling, Punctuation, and Grammar:

There was one issue I had. I'll address it in suggestions. Otherwise your poem reads very well.

Suggestions and Personal Insights:

In the line...Our legacy is words lost along our path... I felt "is" was not appropriate here. I think "are" would be correct, but "are" doesn't quite fit with the flow of your poem. You might consider replacing "is" with a word such as...mere or just,... Just a couple suggestions for your consideration. It's difficult to swap words and keep the syllable count consistent. Or leave it as is. I enjoyed reading your poem. Thank you for sharing.

Joel aka Brother Nature

Member of
The Showering acts of Joy Group "Invalid Item"

Rising Stars "Retired Founder, Rising Stars Program"

Please visit my blog @ "Invalid Item"

Made in Canada

16

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#3672589

Review of Grandmothers

Review by Brother Nature

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

I'm not a professional writer, just a fellow WDC member who does reviews to improve my own writing and hopefully be of service to others. Reviews of any nature are encouraging, because at the very least they confirm that, some one has read your work. All suggestions are simply my own opinion to be used or discarded as you see fit.

This review is for The Showering acts of Joy Group.

"Invalid Item"

Hey there Wolf

Overall Impression:

Very beautiful poem. Truly moving. I was a bit surprised to find this poem in your port, I know you like to write in the fantasy, zombie, werewolfe genre. Then again it should not surprise me, because you are an experienced and talented writer. Excellent poem! I enjoyed reading it.

Spelling, Punctuation, and Grammar:

This poem read very well, I found no fault with it.

Suggestions and Personal Insights:

I feel that your last verse defending your poem for not rhyming took away from the beauty of the message. Poems don't have to rhyme to be good, and yours is a very good poem.

Joel aka Brother Nature

Member of
The Showering acts of Joy Group "Invalid Item"

Rising Stars "Retired Founder, Rising Stars Program"

Please visit my blog @ "Invalid Item"

Made in Canada

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#3672583

Review of A Final Wish

Review by Brother Nature

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

I'm not a professional writer, just a fellow WDC member who does reviews to improve my own writing and hopefully be of service to others. Reviews of any nature are encouraging, because at the very least they confirm that, some one has read your work. All suggestions are simply my own opinion to be used or discarded as you see fit.

This review is for The Showering acts of Joy Group.

"Invalid Item"

Hello Lana

Overall Impression:

A very nice read. My curiosity was peaked all the way. I was impressed with your ending. I was not surprised by it, but was surprised at the emotional impact your ending inspired. It's funny how sometimes the simplest gesture can produce such a huge hit to the heart. Very well written piece.

Spelling, Punctuation, and Grammar:

Your story read very nicely, I found no fault with it.

Suggestions and Personal Insights:

I thought your opening sentence was weak. I think you meant that to be that way. You added strength to your story and your final sentences were very strong.
Like a freight train picking up speed.
Nice job! You should be very proud of this story. Thank you for sharing.

Joel aka Brother Nature

Member of
The Showering acts of Joy Group "Invalid Item"

Rising Stars "Retired Founder, Rising Stars Program"

Please visit my blog @ "Invalid Item"

Made in Canada

18

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14 days may be credited.

#3669255

Review of The Writer Writes ~Writing.Com Anthology

Review by Brother Nature

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (5.0)

I'm not a professional writer, just a fellow WDC member, and also a member of Rising Stars, and Showering acts of Joy, who does reviews to improve my own writing and hopefully be of service to others. Reviews of any nature are encouraging, because at the very least they confirm that, some one has read your work. All suggestions are simply my own opinion to be used or discarded as you see fit.
This is a member to member review for Rising Stars Group.

Hello Kate

I wanted to review something for you among my first member to member reviews. I found this amazing poem in your port.

Overall Impression:

You put forward an excellent example of poetry. It was a great read. I re-read the second verse several times. I'm finding it difficult to explain what was so captivating about it, except to say the construction and flow of the poem hit home with me. Maybe I saw myself as the writer.
Honestly, a very beautiful poem. One other aspect of reading your poem is that it inspired me further to write and learn more about writing poetry.

Spelling, Punctuation, and Grammar:

N/A

Suggestions and Personal Insights:

I know how hard it is to place a poem in the top three, even to get an honorable mention is an achievement. Congratulations on gaining second prize.
I'm looking forward to reading and reviewing more of your work.

Joel aka Brother Nature

Member of
The Showering acts of Joy Group "Invalid Item"

Rising Stars "Retired Founder, Rising Stars Program"

Please visit my blog @ "Invalid Item"

Made in Canada

19

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14 days may be credited.

#3666228

Review of The Rise of Sodmon and Gomorrah ..

Review by Brother Nature

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

I'm not a professional writer, just a fellow WDC member who does reviews to improve my own writing and hopefully be of service to others. Reviews of any nature are encouraging, because at the very least they confirm that, some one has read your work. All suggestions are simply my own opinion to be used or discarded as you see fit.

Hi Muzzy

I have to say that I chose to read your piece because of the title, and it was displayed on the hub page. My interest is from having a story idea of my own with the setting being Sodom and Gomorrah. My story is yet to be written, and will be quite a bit different from your story. Yet I know my story will be AS if not MORE offensive to those who choose to be offended by it. I noticed from checking your port that we have quite a lot in common, save for your post graduate studies.

My Review:

Overall Impression:

My thoughts were quite often of,"how high on the offensive to Muslims, Islam, middle eastern culture, etc scale," this would rate. After reading it I surmised that, it's not that bad. If you have an open mind and consider that it's one mans opinion as well as a sample of writing, then it can't be harmful...right. I enjoyed the piece, you touched on a few points I intend to address when I write the story I have churning in my head. You created good imagery and I found your piece entertaining and funny in places. One thing that occurred to me is, While I enjoyed the read and found a connection and admiration for the writer....In other Countries or audiences this would be a mere suicide note.

Spelling, Punctuation, and Grammar:

This read very well.

Suggestions and Personal Insights:

I would prod, Ashly the crack whore, for some story ideas.
Thanks for the great read.

Joel aka Brother Nature

Member of
The Showering acts of Joy Group "Invalid Item"

Rising Stars "Retired Founder, Rising Stars Program"

Please visit my blog @ "Invalid Item"

Made in Canada

20

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14 days may be credited.

#3637668

Review of Spoken With Love

Review by Brother Nature

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This review is for The Showering acts of Joy Group.

"Invalid Item"

Hi WhoMe

Overall Impression:

Well written poem, that inspired thoughts of "true love" meter and form are good. this part was a bit choppy....You had gone out and bought me the biggest paper-weight,
A KITCHENAID mixer and a deep fat fryer, in slate.....but I understand you did not have a choice on the gifts you received based on how well they would rhyme and fit into a poem. I liked that you included this line in your poem....I know some may think, this not so grand,...It showed me that you intended on sharing this poem as you wrote it. Also that you knew some people would not understand the message. I understand that the message was not in what the gifts were, but the gifts were simply a vehicle for your partner to show his love for you is stronger than his feeling about any other ideals. On that note, you did a marvelous job in showing the love shared in your relationship. Expressions of love like this are the things that will help you through trying times. Excellent poem, good emotion.

Spelling, Punctuation, and Grammar:

read very well, no noticeable errors.

Suggestions and Personal Insights:

Thank you for sharing.

Joel aka Brother Nature

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#3633348

Review of Moving On

Review by Brother Nature

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

This review is for The Showering acts of Joy Group.

"Invalid Item"

Hello Jim aka Sum1

I like your handle...Sum1...Tells me that you are very clever and very cool, so I am obligated then to go read your bio and check out your port, to find out for myself how clever and cool you actually are.
I thought you might like to know this, because it demonstrates that; If you have a name/handle that generates some sum interest, then you will get noticed. and.....yes...You are as clever and cool as your handle indicates.

Overall Impression:

I gave this story a rating of 4. I normally give a rating of 4.5 to all the pieces I review, on the premise that; 1- nothing is perfect, and there will always be room for improvement, and 2- If a piece is perfect, then I don't have anything to offer in reviewing the piece.
The reasoning for your rating of 4 is because; 1- it had a lot of things that I like in a story and I enjoyed reading it. and 2- I found some areas where I could suggest changes to improve it.
Keep in mind that I am not an authority on writing in any way and my objective in reviewing is for myself to become a better writer by sharing thoughts and ideas with other writers, while helping others to write better as well.
The topic of your story was one that I have an interest in, you held that interest through to the end. The story was well written and a good read, although there were a couple sentences that tripped me up.and playing his usual games on Pogo as he listened/watched the usual poor offering of shows I don't think the use of LISTENED/WATCHED works here. I re-read the sentence and then understood what you meant, but I think it would have been better to construct a sentence that just says somehow: the TV was on but, Jim's attention was divided. But you are, for aren’t you here?....I can't imagine anyone saying this sentence, it's akin to; Shakespeare meets hillbilly Cletus.

Spelling, Punctuation, and Grammar:

I found no fault with spelling or punctuation, some sentences could be corrected to improve the grammar, but the same could be said for most works. Your story was a pleasure to read.

Imagery, Suggestions and Personal Insights:

From the description you gave of your main character, Jim, I envisioned a faceless, featureless male. That's okay because I was able to see Jim from pin pointing his age, which I got from your description of his life, work, status, etc. I imagined Jim to be middle aged.
When you wrote about his part time job it threw his age estimation out of whack.
For me a second part time job is something a young person does. It did not fit your character (for me). If you added the part time job to illustrate Jim being over worked, it may have been better to make him busier or more burdened in his career. I envisioned Jim in a vast emptiness of deep space, except for his visits to the places he knew when he was alive. The ISS fit in well for me. If the image you were going for was "deep space" well done. I liked the diaolog in respect to the impossibility to travel between "life and death". It reminded me of the bible story of, Lazarus, the beggar in one of Jesus's parables. I have a bit of an issue with your ending. I once wrote a re-telling of a dream I had. Several reviews said this...You can't write about a dream, it's not a proper story. A dream doesn't follow any rules, there is no ending, beginning , the plot is vague, and so on. I had to agree when one reviewer suggested that...It is better to mine a dream for story ideas, than to just write about the dream. I am in the process of re-writing that dream into a short story, and it's working much better. I think your story would be better if Jim woke up in the hospital after having life saving surgery. That would justify the beginning when Jim was over worked, having chest pains and feeling exhausted. A pretty good story, with a little work it could be a great story. Thanks for sharing.

Joel aka Brother Nature

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http://www.writing.com/main/profile/blog/brotherna...

22

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14 days may be credited.

#3628459

Review of 30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS

Review by Brother Nature

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

This review is for 30 Days Blogging Challenge. Group.

Hello
Earl - watched Warrior movie (24)

Overall Impression:

First thing I thought was, what took me so long to come and have a look at this page.Over-all impression.....I'm in. sign me up, I'll tell my friends too.

Punctuation, Spelling, Grammar:

N/A

Suggestions and Personal Insights:

This looks like a great way to attract readers to ones blog. Also, for me, it will also be a great motivator to ACTUALLY write on my blog EVERY DAY. Looking forward to it.

Joel aka Brother Nature

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http://www.writing.com/main/profile/blog/brotherna...

23

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14 days may be credited.

#3495844

Review of Mama

Review by Brother Nature

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi Niki

Review for Mama

Overall Impression:

I was given a glimpse into the mind and thoughts of the main character, good imagery inspired by a photo. A dark feel to it for me. If that was what you were going for ....well done.

Punctuation, Spelling, Grammar:

Nothing jumped right out at me as far as spelling and punctuation, however this line.... I see the door behind me open and Ted stick in his head. should be re-constructed ....Ted stuck his head in and said....works better for me , but you might come up with something better yet.

Suggestions and Personal Insights:

I really liked what you did , there was no plot and no story, you made something out of nothing and it was interesting and entertaining. Thank-you for sharing

Joel aka Brother Nature

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#3494450

Review of I Did It Anyway

Review by Brother Nature

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi keyboard/microwave/Pranamatha Godess
I loved reading your entry. I wish you good luck in the contest.
Your piece was so funny, what made it even funnier was that I had to go to your profile to find your entry,because you did not put in the Bitem correctly.
I loved the ending. I read parts out loud to my girlfriend and we both had a good laugh.
You do have a spelling error or two, you typed here for hear for example.
There is still time to edit it , if you want.
I look forward to reading your microwave cookbook (not using it, just reading it)
Thank you for sharing
cheers
Joel aka Brother Nature

25

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14 days may be credited.

#3485244

Review of There is No Place Like Home

Review by Brother Nature

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Ha ha good story!!
It would make a great kids book.
Nice job on the ending.
Punctuation and grammar are not my areas where I can help you with, other than to suggest you take the advice of any reveiwers that offer help in that area. It's a learning process that I am having a personal struggle with, but I've found that several people on this site are willing to help. Everything you learn will only help to make you a better writer.
Definatly a story worth pollishing up, through some re-edits.
Thank-you for sharing

Joel aka Brother Nature