Wow! I'm impressed. This flowed well. Intelligent and unapologetic. I felt the emotion yet it didn't weigh it down or bullshit the reader. For years I hated writing dialogue. Too much work, too many commas, quotation marks, etc. Changed my perspective, some practice and today writing dialogue is one of the most pleasurable parts when writing Fiction, Memoirs, etc. If you have the time visit my page and maybe read something. Comment on it or not. I will surely read on! Glad I ventured further.
I found some good value in the edification of non-verbal Autism. Examining and explaining the needs and deficits that result in specific behaviors (rocking, flapping, whimpering) was a clear and concise way of defining those behaviors. The bully was well fleshed out and appeared as offensive and ridiculous as they really are. I faced them in high school much like these two girls. Their friendship was sweet and affirming with Kelsey being a strong and faithful advocate and friend for Lizzy. I felt a bit cheated at the end. You did mention in the first paragraph that Kelsey was Lizzy's 'crush' but it was brief and got lost. Lizzy's sudden statement of love for her friend came from left field and didn't feel genuine. But Kelsey's near instantaneous acceptance of Lizzy's revelation and her thought, "All that mattered was that Elizabeth loved her back just as she loved her," was incongruous to not only her character but the girl's platonic relationship. I kind of see the Lesbianism as gratuitous, placed for shock value and to provide a "Twilight Zone' twist ending. Leaving Lizzy's unnecessary and likely improbable admission out would make for a strong and more realistic story of the friendship between two very different yet analogous teens.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/buddhamurf313
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 5:40pm on Dec 26, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
