I really like your account of a summer to the country. That must have been a strange experience for a city boy! I have specific changes for you throughout the piece, and I did them under each specific line where I could. One thing I noticed over and over was a lack of capitalization of Bubba. First names (or nicknames) should always be capitalized. You have some words that are misspelled several times; I only corrected each word once, so you will have to make sure to correct the words throughout.
I started to remember when bubba and I first met; it was several years ago when we were
just kids.
I don’t think ‘I started to remember. . .’ works well. The sentence would read better if it were worded as, ‘I remember when Bubba and I . . .’ . Also, it is unclear of what relation Bubba is to you until later in the piece. It may help if you add ‘my cousin’ before Bubba.
Then I went to spend the summer with my grandmother, or as Bubba would say "gan mammy".
‘gan mammy’ needs to be capitalized as you are using this as a name.
When we finally arrived at my grand mothers I realized that I had entered a totally
different place than I was used to.
Should be grandmother’s. A comma is also need after grandmother’s.
I was in Hogs Holler; a little tiny community spread
over 100 miles of land that had forests, swamps, and gators, or for you city folk,
Alligators. Lets not forget raccoon or coon, Squirrel, Deer, Bear, Possum, and several
other eatable varmints, as bubba always told me.
The different animal types do not need to be capitalized. Lets should be Let’s. I really like how you included how Bubba calls them eatable varmints. That really helps the reader understand your new environment.
Now I thought I was going to be so bored out of my mind here in hogs hollar that I was
ready to leave the minute that I arrived.
Hogs Holler should be capitalized, and the spelling of Holler needs to be corrected.
When my mom and dad left my grand mother said it was time for bed, I looked at the clock
and said:
"Are you kidding, its only 8 O'clock"
"We get up pretty early around here" grand ma said, " So you better get your rest."
The formatting of this should be . . . and said, “Are you kidding? It’s only eight o’clock!”
“We get up pretty early around here,” Grandma said, “so you better get your rest.”
Well the next morning Grandma was true to her word, we were up at the crack of dawn, there were chickens to feed, cows to milk, and all kinds of other chores to do before we even had breakfast.
This sentence needs to be broken into two.
I didn't know it, but my cousin Bubba had shown up in the middle of
the night; he was staying at grandmas too.
‘grandmas’ should be Grandma’s.
Now Bubba was sort of strange to me, because he dressed a little funny. He had on
overalls that were to short, they came up about 4 inches above his ankles, and he had no
shoes and no socks. He always walked around with his hands in his pockets chewing on a
weed. He looked like something out of a Walton's show.
This is a good description of Bubba. When you say the pants were ‘to short’ you should have it as ‘too short’.
It was my grandma,
“Now you better eat everything on that plate boy, we don’t waist food here like all those
city folks do, so you eat those grits. I thought to myself "EEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" grits, what
an ugly word for a food. Well I choked them down with as much butter and anything else I
could find to put on them so I could go out and play after all the work I had done.
This is a comical telling of your first experience with grits. A little bit of editing needs to be done. Grandma’s words should start on the same line. You used the wrong spelling of waste. After Grandma says, ‘so you eat those grits’ you need to close her words with quotation marks, and then start your next sentence on a new line.
I put my plate in the sink and grandma said, “now that’s what I like to see, a boy that
does what he’s told.” Now you get out side and play for a while so I can get a few things
done, then we will start the days work around here. Start the days work around here. I
thought I had already done the days work.
I really like how you have incorporated Grandma’s words; you really help the reader envision what is happening. That being said, you need to capitalize the first ‘now’ and move the closing quotation marks from ‘told’ to ‘here’. I like how you are wondering about the day’s work (day’s needs an apostrophe) but you’ll need to start that on a new line and end it with a question mark.
I noticed bubba was sitting in the middle of the cow pasture with a stick, pocking at something.
Poking is misspelled.
thought to myself, “what in the world is he doing?” So I just sat and watched for a bit as bubba flipped cow terds at this frog. It seemed that there was no point to what he was doing and no type of entertainment at all. So I asked bubba what he was doing and he replied
"I is feddin da toad his viddles, jist like granma did ta us."
I really like how you incorporated Bubba’s accent into the text. Changes you need to incorporate include the correct spelling of ‘terds’, a comma is needed after ‘replied’, and Bubba’s comments should start immediately after replied, not a new line.
"ok since when do toads eat cow terds bubba?"
Capitalize ‘ok’ since it starts a sentence.
We must have sat there for about 15 minuets,
Minutes is misspelled.
well after we feed the toad bubba suggested that we find something more entertaining to
do. Or in his words,
I’m really sorry I’ve come to the end of your story! I look forward to reading more as you add to it! When you return, don’t forget to capitalize the beginning of this sentence.
Good luck with your writing!
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