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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cam-downy
Review Requests: OFF
18 Public Reviews Given
18 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Still new to reviewing but I'll be honest and tell you what I think, Point out the good and the bad and I ain't going to complain to much about the grammar, I'm reviewing for the content not the spelling mistakes :) and I'll try to make suggestions on how to improve on your story.
I'm good at...
Giving the story a chance to get going. Im not going to make a final judgement based on the first few pharagraphs, I'll read the whole thing before adviseing you to do anything major. I'm used to story that start with alot of blank characters that develop with time.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi,action,drama,adventure,fantasy,harem,comedy,military
Least Favorite Genres
Horror and over the top dark(the sorta story where everything is sad and depressed all the darn time :( )
Favorite Item Types
Short storys, chapters, Under 3000 words but I will maybe do over 3000 if requested to :)
Least Favorite Item Types
Over 5000 words, unstatic items
I will not review...
No idea, I'll consider anything for review if requested :)
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of True Family  Open in new Window.
Review by match Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a review for the Newbies Academy :)

First thoughts; The start of the story is confusing and feels rushed. You don't properly explain what's going on so it leaves the reader confused. The first few lines or paragraphs of a story are important as a hook to get the reader interested in what's going on and they won't want to be pulled out of the story by confusion. I presume its a police station there in? :)

Grammar; You seem to be going for a fast paced vibe but it dose feel a little rushed, maybe try slow it down a bit. No real grammar points that I noticed tho :)

Characters; You haven't written much here yet so not much I can say about the characters yet, other then to keep developing them and making them fell real.

Favourite line; "'Rubbing a large ebony hand over his eyes then his balled scalp, Tom nodded.'" - This is where you were most descriptive, try to be more like this thought the rest of the story. :)

Overall final thoughts + suggestions; A good start to you story, it dose feel a little rushed, even tho you seem to be going for a fast paced vibe, try to slow it down a bit. You don't want to leave the reader in the dust behind, wondering what's going on. Also try for more descriptions of the places and locations there in and of the characters themselves.

Keep up the good work and I look forward to seeing more on the review board soon :)

-Match
2
2
Review of Fractured Reality  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi, I'm reviewing this after seeing it in the FSFS review request page :)


First thoughts; The first chapter (Is more prologue?) is a good start, it gets you interested in the situation and use the class to explain the back-story without being to long or tedious. It dose feel a little rushed however. You could possible be more descriptive of the classroom and the people but for the first chapter its good :).


Grammar; I am'nt big on judging grammar seeing as my own is terrible and this review is probably lacking grammar itself XD but I did get a little confused with this sentence so I said I'd mention it " “Louis Grant, former NEC Lieutenant Colonel. Y’can’t contact me when you’re in there, but I figure I should put a name to the face for you,” he said, winking. I had the immediate feeling that he wasn’t actually as cheerful as he let on."


Interests / favourite line; The reveal of the main characters back-story and his dad still being alive is very interesting and makes the reader want to read more, it dose seem like were getting alot of information in a short amount of time tho, maybe try to spread it out a bit more :). "My eyes widened. Realization struck me like a bowling ball.

I’d never seen my father’s body."

Second Chapter; Things go down hill after leaving the Jet, I know personally that its hard to get across story background and tension or conflict but the exposition of the other recruits and the 'enemy' is a little tedious, it feels like I've been reading two chapters of explanations before I even have any questions. Try to avoid telling but instead showing. Example; You Told us that the enemy was a vague entity that is covered up and that the normal person doesn't know about, you then Told us again, who the enemy was. Leave some time between the explanation so it builds questions and try to find ways to show the enemy Without using exposition as much :)

Characters; I'm a large anime fan, fantasy and sci-fi fan so, I'm used to story's starting out with a lot of plain characters that grow to become lifelike and loveable. At this stage in your story I can't say much on the character, other then to keep working on them and developing them but so far so good :)

Overall Final thoughts; Good start to your story but it dose feel a little slow with all the explaining, keep working on it, I look forward to reviewing more of it in the future :)
3
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Review of California Daddy  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Nice poem, it has a good flow to it and expresses the father letting go of his daughter in a really nice way 😊,.
4
4
Review by match Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Really fun little,short story to read. Be nice to here more storys of this sort and stuff based off real life is always great to hear and can make for a great story, made me smile :).
5
5
Review by match Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice peom.I like how It describes the pianist as engrossed in thought. Its a little short, I'd love to see a longer version :)
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