I am a firm believer in writing so there is no necessity for the reader to summon up a suspension of disbelief. The only exception would be when reading science fiction. In regard to your effort, I believe your stream of consciousness offering is factual and powerful. War is hell.
I generally evaluate based on two considerations. The first is technical---having to do with gross misspellings and blatantly poor sentence construction. Since I'm not a junior high school composition teacher I only concern myself with this area if things are very badly done.
You have no problems in this area.
The second criterion is the subjective one of the extent to which you seem to have been successful it that which you set out to accomplish. From my outside viewpoint you have done well in this area also.
Since I chose to read your effort it's on me if I didn't like what you had to say---and I don't.
Your whinging complaint of class distinction misses the point. Instead celebrate the possibility of improving individual position that is an integral part of American culture.
As near as I can tell, you've done an excellent little story. I say 'As near as I can tell' because there seems to be a problem with your keyboard and some words are lost in the extraneous symbols surrounding them.
I lived through the time you are showcasing and have no problem calling to mind the sort of pictures your words offer.
Most importantly, you have obviously achieved that which you set out to accomplish.
I always want to look at reviewing from my own point of view. I'm not a Freshman English Teacher so I'll only say that for your chosen format you seem to have done the technical stuff OK.
And you also seem to have accomplished your intended goal in what you've offered here. Was this intended as a text message to your friend?
I'm going to respectfully disagree with some aspects of your very well-thought-out dissertation. And since it'll never fit in this little box, I've decided to do my own version of "Reviewing 101". When I get it put together I'll correspond further with you.
Please note that I'm not offended by the content but by being blindsided by the direction of the content. Only those who are massively driven by the 'politically correct' view of society would be afraid to object to offering 'fair warning'.
"I don't care what you do, but I object to having it jammed in my face, with the concomitant demand that I give approval"
This little story is nuanced to such an extent that I'll be able to catch small new details on the second and third readings.
I try to look at two things in doing these evaluations.
First is the technical details. Stuff like spelling, sentence construction, and word use. Errors in this area make things non-readable. You did just fine.
Second is much more subjective. Do I think you succeeded in what I view as the job you set yourself? Again you did just fine!
I never had much thought about racing when I was a kid. In fact, I was fifteen before I could distinguish a Ford from a Chevrolet. then things changed...
I do reviews based on two criteria. The first is technicalities. Your spelling, word use, sentence structure and paragraphing are all just fine.
The second is my own subjective evaluation as to how well you achieved what you set out to do. I think you did very well.
First of all, I'm a cat fancier so I found myself nodding and smiling as I read through your effort. You did an excellent job of choosing a topic.
I base my evaluations on two criteria. Let's look at them one at a time. First is my very subjective look at the extent to which you seem to have achieved that which you set out to accomplish. I believe you did very well in this regard.
The second criterion is that of technicalities. I didn't notice any spelling errors, and word use was just fine. But on the other hand, you put everything into one giant paragraph and it really needs to be broken up somewhat. And with the punctuation as you've offered it, I'm torn between supposing that you were intending something somewhat 'stream-of-consciousness-like'. In the alternative, perhaps a bit of polishing might be in order.
I judge on two criteria. The first is technicalities. Your spelling seems to be just fine. Punctuation not so much. If you go back over your words, you'll be able to put in what's now missing.
Sentence structure might take a little work as the punctuation is polished up.
The second criterion is a much more subjective one. I'd put it like this. 'To what extent have you succeeded in accomplishing what you intended to do?'
I believe you are on the right track to succeeding.
No technical errors. Good word use and good sentence structure.
The second criterion I look at is the subjective one of the extent to which I believe you accomplished what you set out to do. I have no idea if you have taken the outline for this story from your own observations or if it's purely an output of your imagination. In either case you've done an excellent thing.
It's easy to believe that what you've offered is a report and not a product of your imagination. That's very good.
I do these reviews with two thoughts in mind.
First is technicalities. Spelling and sentence structure were both just fine. If it were up to me I'd have used different words in some places but that;s a matter of individual choice. If you have a mentor, please explore this topic.
The second criterion is the somewhat subjective one of the extent to which you accomplished your chosen task. You did just fine!
You succeeded wonderfully at what I judge your intent was in the 'doing' of this piece. When you choose brevity you must be very careful in the way you put sentences together.
You have hit on a truth that doesn't seem to be acknowledged on any sort of a regular basis.
If I ever had to shoot someone, I'd like to think that I'd be easy thereafter. It's not something I'd do easily and I've come to terms with the idea that it's inherent in the decision to go armed in the first place. I believe that hesitation is the best way to fail under circumstances in which it's necessary to protect yourself---or others.
I have two criteria for reviewing. In the way of technicalities---spelling, word use, and sentence construction and so on you did just fine.
In terms of my evaluation as to the extent to which you succeeded in accomplishing what you set out to do---again I believe you DID succeed!
As I've said to you before, I believe you write for yourself---for catharsis---and only quite secondarily for others to read. As before, some of your references are arcane to such an extent that a casual reader can make little connection.
But your efforts serve a most emphatic purpose for you and so far as I can judge, you are doing very well in accomplishing what you've set out to relate.
A little attention to finger slips would not be amiss!
I make it a rule to not review things that I don't like. On a number of occasions I've got part way through something and not finished it.
In this case I felt compelled to continue.
To go on, I have two criteria for doing reviews. The technicalities of word choice, sentence structure,etc. are all very well done.
The second consideration is the somewhat subjective one of how well you have succeeded in accomplishing your self-assigned task. I found the subject matter distasteful but you did a very good job of presenting it.
I look at two criteria when doing an evaluation here. One is word use and you have done an EXCELLENT job of choosing words that'd foster the 'flavor' that you were obviously working for.
The second criterion I look at is the subjective one of my conclusion as to the extent to which you succeeded in your self-assigned task. And once again you 'did good'.
The first is word use, sentence construction and other technicalities. You did just fine. (Do check back for a couple of places where a finger slipped on a key or two!)
The more subjective evaluation is in regard to how well it seems to me that you did in completing what you intended. In a piece of this length you did make some rather obscure references. But I believe you were writing for yourself even more than for the reader. And there I believe you succeeded. Good for you!
In the normal course of things, I evaluate on two criteria.
One is my subjective evaluation of the extent to which you succeeded in what you intended. And I believe you did very well in this regard.
The other criterion is more objective. I also like to look at the technicalities of putting English words into sentences.
You need to go back and check some spellings here and there.
Your sentence structure is a bit labored---as if you were trying to create sentences with an 'antique-ish' twist.
Good work but your effort will improve with some polishing!
I tend to do reviews based on two criteria. One is technicalities---such things as spelling and forming sentences.
The other is how well I think you did of taking an idea and translating that idea to a cohesive story. And I must say that you gave me a story such that I found it interesting that I read it twice. Good job here.
You are obviously an educated and literate person. I deduce this from your word choices. You have a good vocabulary.
Therefore, I've come to the conclusion that you were in a hurry when you set this down. There are words missing and other words that are missing such things as a suffix necessary to an orderly flow of reading. I think it'll be quite easy to fix!
A couple of examples: 'blain' in your first sentence. The only meaning I have for this word doesn't seem to fit with the other words in the sentence. In the next sentence you likely should have the past tense 'ate' instead of 'eat'. And in that same sentence you said 'prosed' and again it doesn't fit.
Work on this and it'll become significantly better!
KS
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