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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/capncrunch
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7 Public Reviews Given
14 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by CapnCrunch Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow! What a great story. You have loads of writing talent. The grammar and vocabulary were excellent. The story was very creative.

I noticed, unless I was confused, the boy that saved Julie in the beach scene was introduced as Jordan, only later to be referred as Kyle.

Something that you might want to consider is indenting your paragraphs a few more spaces in. I believe it would make it look better.

Great Job. Peace.
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Review by CapnCrunch Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
You definitely had me hooked! The story is captivating and you are a true master of dialogue. You are a writer with great talent.

I do want to point out one thing that I saw though. About one-third in you wrote: Though he was easily bigger than any other man in the room other than his two companions, he didn't look like he belonged with the three colonists. The sentence sounds like your comparing Stuart with Morgan, Paul, and Stuart when you really only comparing him to Morgan and Paul. I would change three to other or two.

Thanks for a great story!
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