To start strong, the first paragraph seems at first to be a lighthearted poem , so I invest further. Thinking, that maybe this is about a bad breakup or hallucination?
Then I read the second paragraph. Then I start to think it was a bad breakup, and the rhyming is definitely impeccable. Then I see the last line, and go “oh.” Shocking, but also so well written! Then I become more invested.
The third was quite expressive, I could feel the emotions going through like the rage, then the realization. Like, denial in observation of the facts. I am at this point more invested.
Fourth paragraph I am completely invested, the rhyming still amazing, and the storytelling is so well written. The trees standing tall, looming as if they too mourn is a neat detail. Nice imagery and personification.
Fith paragraph, and I can imagine that I’m back from the flashback. The association is also great, all around awesome and it smoothly transitions back.
The final paragraph is a really nice closing, by repeating the first paragraph but with new meaning, which, personally I love to use in my writing. All in all I love it!
This was an interesting, but fast paced story. I couldn’t understand the beginning, where the main character was sleeping then suddenly walked into a tavern? The characters also have a nonchalant feel to them, like it’s part of a pixel game.
The emotions aren’t fully there, but the fight scene is definitely better than most of the story. Great with describing where and how much the wound hurts, without drawing it out. Smoothly written.
I can’t help but think the characters are more like NPCs, the wizard quest giving guy standing in the same place the whole journey? At least what I imagined. But the story is well imagined and has a great plot, standard knight versus dragon with important treasure, but why is the treasure important? What importance does the jade coins hold over the rest of the treasures? And, wasn’t the town destroyed by the dragon? Also there are confusing POV changes, but not very noticeable.
Overall, the concept of the story is a good old vanilla plot, familiar and loved. But the speed and random changes are off putting to the story, giving it more of an online game you play out of boredom but you’d never play it if there were more options.
Forgive me for anything rude I may have said, but I am very blunt. Thank you!
Wait, did I seriously get on this list, the impossible odds? I’m more than shocked, I’m flabbergasted! I thought I had to enter specifically for this, but I see not.
But I am super appreciative nonetheless, and I’m very happy that through the slim odds that I would actually have a chance here. I see my balance had increased, which, is also a step closer to my goal. I am very appreciative yet again.
And, happy 23rd WDC!!!!! I found this platform later on, but I am very appreciative and happy writing here, everybody is just amazing and kind, and I am just very appreciative. To even be mentioned on something like this makes me happy. Thank you for everything, members of WDC!!!
Great story, emotions are very clear and straightforward. I can feel the little tips and emotions between the lines in fine off-white ink.
I know how it feels to lose somebody, so I’m sending my empathy your way. The unique wording here and there, it is quite intriguing and creative. To turn tragedy into art in the form of words is such a mysterious form, isn’t it? It conveys emotion, even if we still feel that harsh stab of loss later on.
But nonetheless it helps us with grief, and understanding the grief. I see how important your father was, and to me I had a very similar experience, except I lost mine too early. Long time ago, though. I’m over it, but I hope there is a day where you, too, can find peace.
This story is very well written, well, poem. I can feel the emotion, like I myself were sitting on the bed reasoning with myself, on the verge of tears. This echoes emotion, the sadness behind it, and it makes me wonder. Does this portray the feelings of the author?
The bargaining stage of grief can be seen in this, how I see it anyway, and I think it’s absolutely amazing how you can rock me with emotion while reading this. I’ll admit, it does hit close to home, but who hasn’t gotten this close? Unfortunately, my memories are lost or twisted.
Great poem, and it really makes me think to reflect.
Very interesting thoughts, and valid questions asked. For really what is the reason of life? Really, why are we here, and why do we value the things we do? Why must we lie and deceive, and plot to gain so much? Even when we know what really will help?
This really makes for the question, of why?
Why do we give everything metaphors and meaning? Is humanity really so isolated by theirselves they look to personify all else? And, why do people write? To fulfill their own holes? But it is satisfying nonetheless.
And, really, awesome page. I can see why you got the award :]
Pretty cool! Message is simple and easy to understand, yes, plants can be drama queens. Very interesting and fun, yet I can feel your confusion. Nice poem.
That is just.... tear jerking (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)
Great poetry, so much emotion especially in the last one. Unfortunately it also hits close to home, when my Father had died. I could have been better, too.
But all we can do is learn, and learn to appreciate the time we have and what we get before it goes.
I’m going to start strong. I loved this read. A few grammar mistakes, a few cliches, but nonetheless engaging and emotional. Now the hard part, I never usually get too into random stories, but this one just happened to be eye catching and i was not disappointed.
Amazing story, but a few amateur mistakes. Nonetheless is a great concept!
This poem is very visual and metaphorical, and I find it very nicely written. The sudden halt of tone at Yet is striking, and I quite enjoyed reading this poem. Keep writing! :]
A great rhyme and rhythm throughout the poem, the feel of rushing as if running through the words are a fun imaginary scene.
Although the meaning is a little unclear to me, the story is well told. I like the concept of being with God and trying to unite everybody, though why? I am a Christian, so most times I see why in most poems.
Great poem and rhythm!
This poem is a diamond hidden amongst roses, I feel the impact of emotion on this writing and I must say it is very nice.
Like if they were perfect, everybody would admire them like you do, (I’m guessing) but they wouldn’t be with you. Like a memory of a person so distant, it’s foggy.
I was hit by the final line, and I am at a loss for words for the niceness of this quaint poem.
I am fairly new, so please forgive me of any disrespect I have said.
Wow, great poem! A great rhyme, style, wording, and putting it together. Although, one little mistake which “Diseaced” is spelled “Deceased” so that’s a rather funny mistake for a dreary poem, don’t worry about it though because it doesn’t impact the poem any way. The point is still sent across, with a great style too.
Just a funny little misspelling, other than that this is a great poem.
This poem is a little hard to understand and jumpy, though I love obscure poems as such. Honestly, I cannot understand the true meaning of the poem by these words but it is the view of my own eyes. I cannot see what you show to me, and it is by my views.
So it is not your writing, but my views so please understand I’m not trying to criticize. I love the wording and the mysticism around these words, though there might be too many metaphors involved.
If it troubles you, don’t take any mind.
I think it’s a lovely poem, though I cannot understand and it greatly sorrows me. I am unable to see your message.
Lovely writing though, it is quite a great poem.
Honestly, I really wanted to watch this channel. But I was around a day late sadly.
This entire channel seems like an ARG just itching to be solved, though nobody did. It seems the name “memento Mori” is the name of a song and many of the ideas expressed in this essay are in the song. It’s called “memento mori” by will wood.
There is also laplace’s angel (hurt people? hurt people!) by Will Wood as well, so maybe there is a connection?
I would like to chat with you about this topic some more, so if you were to reply with more information I would be glad to hear it.
Looking forward to it. :)
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/carnationblank
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 4:32am on Nov 24, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
