I like the, what I suppose you could say 'moral' of the poem, however, the rhymes do not do it justice. There is something clunky about them, which would be endearing if it was a topic of a slightly more childish nature. The speaker is some form of widow (not necessarily because their partner has passed away), and they are in deep despair at having lost their loved one (on an emotional level, at least). This means the way in which the poem is written needs to be more mature, and I believe, would greatly serve not having rhymes. The rhymes, in my opinion, only diminish the integrity of the speaker.
Other than some rhythm problems with the couplets, the ending is beautiful, and the final verse is definitely the stand out.
This is lovely and sweet, and I could see it being in a valentines day card. The reason I didn't give it more is because I felt some of the rhymes were forced and didn't quite fit (my heart is a boulder?), but it's difficult to write a rhyming poem about love that doesn't sound generic, so I commend you for pulling it off!
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/catcow888
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.09 seconds at 12:08am on Nov 16, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
