This is very well written. You have tackled a difficult subject and portrayed it sensitively. I don’t see how it could be improved upon. You are a fine writer. I hope you will continue with more interesting articles. I will enjoy reading what you write in the future.
This item is well written but does not hang together well. It staggers from one topic to another.
It’s difficult to say whether is writing is about you, the party, or your cousin. There is no common thread that begins at the beginning and ends at the end. The story itself has not captured my interest. My whole perspective changed when I discovered at the end that you were a female. Perhaps an introduction to your cousin should precede your reaction to parties.
I do like your writing style however.
It is too bad this excerpt does not provide an explanation to whom Ella’s superiors are and what their purpose is. The writing is gripping, to say the least. Some of the descriptive adjectives in the beginning paragraphs are a little contrived as if added after the fact. Some of the punctuation is missing. With your imagination, you definitely have a future in writing.
That is a cruel ending. You have a great imagination but whether I would recommend your book to children or not is questionable. If read within a group it could certainly lead to a lot of interesting discussion. Story telling is definitely your strong point but I also find nothing wrong with your presentation. Keep up the good work.
You have a good command of the language. The words you choose are most descriptive. However, there are too many superfluous characters for a short story. For the most part the sentences are short and choppy. I hope you keep writing.
I enjoyed your story very much. The flashback idea was carefully worked into the ongoing events. I got a real picture of Dr. Travis although my impression of Susan was not quite as clear. I go through my stories and add extra adverbs and adjectives to enhance my writing. I have the feeling you do the same thing. The words are impressive but may have been a bit overdone. Continue writing. You should have a great career.
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