Considering I am new to the writing.com community, please keep my novice in mind as I provide what I hope to be a helpful review of your submission.
At this time I will limit my review to the following three consecutive paragraphs of your submission. If it proves helpful, I will provide further review.
“So, I am back, back to the bridge from where I began it all. It was here that I got the strength to walk up to the editor, give up my job in a call centre and work without pay with uncertainty. That was my dream and how can I give it up?
I looked down into the murky water, and saw the cranes which picked fishes from the river. They have migrated with the hope of a warm weather and food.
Well, why did I come to journalism? Journalism attracted me because of its power to help the helpless, to cleanse the society. But what I am doing is simply marketing. I am writing to please the target audience; the ones who can afford to buy the paper and attract advertisers.”
I think the sentence involving the murky water and fish are strategic in forming the analogy you may be aiming for; however, I would have you consider joining these 3-paragraphs into one, providing a more cohesive and flowing paragraph that leads the reader naturally into what you’re trying to communicate. Although I have a couple of ideas how you might go about this, I don’t want to stifle your creative process.
Plus, I may have missed your intention altogether! If this is the case, I’m not sure what relevance this sentence has, particularly considering your choice of wording appears problematic, serving only to create confusion – rather than support, of your story.
Having said all of that, I think you have the beginning of a great story!
As with the 3-paragraphs I included here, your story could use some “tweaking” with regards to the “ebb-and-flow” of what you’re trying to communicate. If you invest the time, I’m confident you will have an end product of which you can be very proud indeed.
-cbrooke
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