This Poem has good descriptive phrases coveying easily recognised feelings. I thouht the poem was honest and provoked the pain of aging or unexpected illness very well. A good poem over all.
I liked the Storey. It was amusing, especially when the swing set showed up. Also the ending was good I like how you left the girl an option. Your attention to detail was good , and the conversational dialougue sounded genuine. I thought perhaps the search for the sound was a liitle obbsesive, but upon reading the end I suppose that was the point. Overall I found your writting to be quite pollished and entertainining with just a little drag in the middle perhaps, but your ending was satisfying
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