mmmmmm, I love Mango too. I wish I could be in a place sometime in my life where I can get them fresh. Good job on this piece. I love how you title things. You seem to be with so much peace with yourself. I feel that comes with age, wisdom and life experiences.
That was good and short, another title name would be the dopple ganger inside, cause this short is exactly the definition of a dopple ganger. Cool good job, I should read more of yor stuff.
I liked it very truthful, when reviewing or writing new stuff try to stay away from the word "the". I read your poem 2 to 3 times. The last time I read it I removed al of the "thes" and "I's" and "mes's". Now what I would like you to try the samething.
You'll see the same well written piece with the same message you wish to project.
But it'll be a completely differnt read and the reader will feel they can relate to it more.
Example.
I can't forget the woman,
Who give birth to me
Her sweet caress by touching me
While i'm still in her womb
With no ability to forget the woman who has givin me birth
Remebering her sweet caress of her touch with the gentlness only a mother can have
I hope this helps, and I hope you don't take what I've written to heart in a bad way.
I feel you write from the heart and experiance, you are on the right track
Kepp up, I'm going to sound like a parrot but read other stuff and find your style. I think you'll do well..
wow, you are or were hooked on someone. There seems to be a lot of desperation in here, try writing one that would reflect their life without you. I learned that in a writing class, it work and changed my writing around. remember as you were them without you. It sounds odd but I did it with a annoying sound that was driving me crazy. So instead of writing about the effects it had on me, I became the sound and the sound told me what it was going to do to me. If I have enough space I'll put it up today. It's call The Repetitions of Me. Check it out.
I think your on the right track, I did enjoy the poems. Keep up the good work!
For me the poem really started at the second set of sentences, as close to the end I believe I understood what you were saying, the title and description are right on. I also think the questions might be out of place, they where for me. Okay as I'm writing this I'm rereading, the to set does belong here maybe as the second set, the reason I feel this is the second set really sets up the poem, because now the reader knows that one is giving them self's to whatever and we all know that you give yourself to whatever you will. This may sound like ramblings, but sadly that's how my brain works. I liked it and will look at more of your writing.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/chasfact
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 1:13pm on Nov 24, 2024 via server WEBX1.
| (4.0)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
