Overall this piece was entertaining. I appreciated the fact that it was inspired by another's work. There were a couple line that I thought had too many syllables to sound kind of catchy. For example, "but I couldn't stand her hanging 'round" doesn't really flow in my opinion.
Hi :) First things first I am relatively new to this so I hope I am of at least some help.
I did not know what to think of this the first time through> I read over it several times and I personally did not like it very much. It says in the title that this is chapter 2 or a continuation? I might look into reading your first chapter to maybe better understand what's going on. Maybe add more detail. However, you have good writing skill. Keep up the good work.
Personally, I find this piece to be very calming in a way. Haha. It's interesting and I would most definitely like to see more of it. This would be a nice prologue to a story. Or it is just as beautiful on it's own. I apologize if I don't sound very educated I'm still in high school and all I really have to offer is my opinion. I loved it :)
Hi, Nice job! In the beginning, to be honest, I got a little confused because it sort of seems like you were talking about two different things because of the model and separately the choosing your own path/chasing the dream. I think I got what you were saying. Although, some others may not and I recommend going over it and maybe switching some words around to try and let it make more sense to the reader. Your work seems to have a good meaning though. I think that if something has meaning then it's worth listening to/reading but if it has no meaning except to get views then what's the point?! I also think though,that even if a song/poem/playwright has no meaning to most people it still could sometimes have meaning to the author, which is all that matters is what the author is feeling. Of course initially you would want people to be interested, but don't just try and get views. And I don't feel that you are in it just for the views, I definitely think that there is meaning in your work. Good Job! Keep it up!
This is very interesting.. It says above that this is an assignment/contest. I don't know what the contest or assignment was or was for but, if this is real I can relate. I know it isn't something I should just go around saying but i'm trying to cope with it so, I myself was sexually abused and there have been many times where I felt abandoned or left behind by family members and even friends. I haven't ever been adopted but I can relate. If this was something that you are really going through or that really happened to you, you should know that this is a beautiful way to deal with it. If it's not true (haha) well then, it still is good. Please continue this. Was "As the story starts, in August..." the ending of this or no. If it was I encourage you to continue. Good luck in with your "optimistic future!"
I can not help but feel at least a little bit insulted that you think teens are "immature and whiny" (LOL) All is forgiven... This really does dig deep though into the life of a typical teenager. All of the above may not be the same for m, but even so, I can relate to this. Very Good!
Interesting... I am no expert on poetry to tell you the truth. Although I do like this. It definitely rhymes, which I like. For the most part it seems to flow together very well. Although, do make sure that you are not trying so hard to make everything rhyme, to where it no longer makes sense. Great job! Keep it up!
HOLY CRAP! I was not expecting that. I'm just doing random reviews right now and this is the best one I've seen. I have the chills right now. If you have plans making this a short story or (OMG) a book!!! (If not, that's totally understandable, haha) But this is amazing, that was a dream. I understand if you think i'm crazy for saying so but I seriously think that you could do something with this. Don't hold back! If writing is what you want to do with your life than I think your dreams just told you something. I honestly wasn't expecting that just from somebodies dream. Good luck!
I love it!! I am not sure that I so much appreciate the title though.. In the description you said 'A poem about this jungle we call Earth." I personally think that the title should be something more about the point. I don't know much about poetry, but that's just my opinion. Good job!!
I enjoy piece, although several times some of the words did not make much sense.. "And won't take chances to loose you." Maybe you meant lose? "That love was beyond my tow." Sorry I do not know what a "tow" is.. Just go over it and edit the spelling where needed. Maybe you wanted everything like, umm.. Other than that, good job!!
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cher_jones
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 4:29pm on Nov 05, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "