Hi, this was a good start to an interesting story. Here’s what I thought about it:
What I liked
I liked the story, it was an interesting read. Everything was clear and it had a good twist at the end.
What I disliked
I felt you only had minimal description. I would have liked to have seen some more descriptions, something to get the reader more drawn in. It is a good story but without the description it is hard to picture the scene in my mind. Also this story is written entirely from the narrator’s perspective, I would have loved to see some personal thoughts of the character, something to make this character realistic and question what is happening.
Beginning & End
It is a good beginning, it just needs to get a clearer image of the scene to make it a more interesting story.
The ending, leaving the reader questioning, is a good way to wrap the story up. It brings the story to a closure but also leaves the reader thinking.
Plot
The plot flowed well and I did not see any plot holes.
Character
The characters that you created are good for starting, but now you have to flesh out the characters a bit more. Give them descriptions, have some personal thoughts about what’s happening, try to get the story to be told more personally through their eyes.
Descriptions
I liked the description that you did have but I felt that a lot more description is needed, especially in the lake scene, to give the reader a clear image of the scene.
Take this for instance:
“I was awakened by the bright sunlight. I sat up and looked over the edge. Water. I don't know how I knew what it was, but I did. It seemed like I remembered it from many years past. My first thought was that I had some form of amnesia. I was in a very small, wooden row boat, floating in a huge lake (or ocean or sea)... I didn't remember being in one before. There was no land in sight; in fact, I got the feeling there wasn't any solid earth for miles around. The water was clear: exceptionally clear, in fact. I looked down at it, and besides the transparency, it didn't seem quite right. Almost unreal, in a sense. I couldn't put my finger on it but I knew something was very different. It was much the same with the sky; it was wide and spacious and blue, but I knew a certain something was absent.”
“I was awakened by the bright sunlight. I shielded my eyes as I sat up. Brushing my brown hair out of my eyes I looked over the edge at the semi-transparent, blue liquid. Water. I don’t know how I knew what it was, but hidden in my memory somewhere, I did. It seemed like I remembered it from many years past. A thought crept upon me, questioning whether I had some form of amnesia. I was in a very small, wooden rowboat, floating in a huge lake (or perhaps an ocean or sea)… I couldn’t remember how I got here, I didn’t even remember being in a boat before. As I looked out into the horizon I could see nothing but the water, there was no land in sight; in fat, I got the feeling there wasn’t any solid earth for miles around. The water was clear; exceptionally clear, in fact. As I looked down at it, besides the transparency, something didn’t feel right. It was almost unreal, in a sense. At that moment I couldn’t put my finger on it but a haunting thought told me that something was very different. It was much the same sky; the wide and spacious blue spreading out as far as I could see, it was a cloudless sky on a warm afternoon, I had seen this sort of day many times before but this time I knew a certain something was absent.”
Format
“Almost unreal, in a sense.” – this is a fragmented sentence, perhaps joining it with the previous sentence will help.
“It was indeed probable that their level of awareness, or conciousness” – “conciousness” should be “consciousness”
“Giant corpses, floating.” – this is a fragmented sentence, try joining it to the one before.
“but I was still alive and concious.” – “concious” should be “conscious”
“It seemed like years were passing and I figured that very well may be.” – this sentence doesn’t make sense. Perhaps trying something like “It seemed like years were passing and I figured that there very well may be.”
"Where'd you get that!?" – you don’t need both the ! and the ?
"Mount Doubt," Other Man said. – add a “the” before “other”
Once again good work on this story, I’m sure with a bit of editing and tweaking it could be a really engaging story. Write On!
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