I really like this, it's clear and easy to understand. The words form a rolling rhythm, kind of like it's building momentum as the dark story unfolds. Great.
Very nice. I love the interweaving of observations and religious beliefs, that broke off into a beautiful kind of spiritual story. The angel became very believable even though I am not personally attracted to that kind of expression of being. I think the way you ended with the angel's desire to have unattainable feelings and unique observation of death gave it a depth of realism that I really appreciated. Great work.
Thanks, I enjoyed reading that. I especially enjoyed where you say, "They want you to be like them, to speak at the same rate that you blink and wink." I work on the front desk for technicians in a motorcycle workshop. When I am talking to some of them they are utterly overwhelmed by my intense stream of words since technicians are generally introverts. I can see them looking at me with that perspective.
To be truthful I would rather be lost in a job than dealing with everyone. Sometimes I think I just want to stop talking. So much of it is mindless. Well done.
I enjoyed this story so much. I can see this being a synopsis for a novel in the future, but appreciate the brevity since I am so time-poor. The identity of the father was a big surprise and if it were a novel you could really tease this out, and play with the ramifications of it all. It's a true forbidden love story with a strong intertwining story of the child. This inbeded story is both tragic and inspiring. Even though she was disabled she bought so much joy to her mother. Thanks for that. All the best.
I like it, the love that is evil. I think a lot of us can relate to that! Unfortunately, I am not an expert but the concept is understandable and your poem is very readable. Good work. Keep writing
If you actually wrote all this from your own mind then you are indeed amazing. How strange and sad that those around you can't see your insight. You have a magic way with words, producing and linking concepts while using minimal content to do it.
Unfortunately, I am not a publisher or even a good writer but I think you should continue to write. You have a really distinctive "voice". All the best.
I really like this poem. It has very somber tone. If I try to be critical there is some repetition of the word dour but I assume that is to emphasize this aspect of time passing. I wonder if it would be more appropriate to be "a wife alone like a bird in an empty cage" rather than "alone like wife in an empty cage". Either way the message the poem gives is very clear and the feeling of emptiness this brave unbreakable soul is feeling is strong.
That was a really enjoyable read. I love how the supernatural aspect was entirely unexpected. The way that you set the scene was very thorough and believable so when the granddaughter gathered energy and unexpectedly transformed I could see it all in my mind and it was blown. Fabulous
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