this was a very good piece, but if it had been any longer, it would have been agonizing to read, however, it did raise some interest theological questions.
it sounded like a picture book and wasn't even slightly poetic.
because of the format i kept waiting for it to rhyme, and kept waiting for it to make sense.
Finally!
You've found your form!
You've finally got there. The other two pieces were rough, and this one's finished nicely.
The big challange now is to not over do it...
good luck with that!
they were good, but not great. better than your other peice, but still lacking that burst that sets it apart. it could have been anyone's work. it was an overused topic, and felt strangely anonymous. the grammar in the second line of the first haiku was off too...
This story was really irritating. it had lots of potenial, but it wasn't there which was really annoying. i realize it was for a 55 word story contest, but if you were going to write a story in 55 words, make it one that you could explain so that it's understandible.
and if his smile was empty, why would god bother to smile back?
i also don't get the bold type...
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